


Hallelujah

by AnotherGallavichLove



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU, Angst, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Cheating, Dark Thoughts, Flirting, Fluff, I love you's, Kissing, Love Triangle, M/M, Riding, Rimming, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-17 01:29:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4647219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherGallavichLove/pseuds/AnotherGallavichLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”I don’t know what I want”</p><p>”Well, that’s not true. You want what everybody wants”</p><p>The guy rolled his shoulders back and raised an eyebrow, somehow growing an entire feet taller with his confidence.</p><p>”What’s that? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers?” Mickey let out a dark chuckle, mirroring the guy’s smile.</p><p>”Nah. You want adventure, a life worth telling about. Maybe even a little danger” </p><p>Two brothers, one guy. </p><p>(Aka; The Vampire Diaries AU that I needed to get out of my brain. Except they're not vampires. There will be no supernatural creatures anywhere throughout this fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mysterious Stranger Who Has All The Answers

**Chicago, 2011**

 

”I fucking know that, Lip. Alright? I just… I don’t know how to”

 

Mickey stopped to look around, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. He couldn’t see much as the trees were blocking his path, and the darkness was falling fast over the road ahead of him. Why he was out walking in the middle of nowhere at eleven at night, he couldn’t tell you. There was just something about being back in Chicago for the first time in so long that made him want to walk around, take everything in.

 

Some may call it creepy, but fuck 'em.

 

Mickey kept walking, and then he spotted him.

 

A guy, probably a little younger than him. He was walking towards him, talking on the phone and looking down at his feet.

 

”I know she’s my mother, but I can’t - yeah, I know. I don’t know where I am, just let me - no”

 

The guy hadn’t spotted him yet, so Mickey kept walking, slowly making his way towards him. Soon, they were a few feet apart and when the guy hung up the phone, he lifted his head and saw Mickey, jumping a little bit and letting out a surprised gasp.

 

”Sorry. I didn’t… see you”

 

”Bad conversation?” Mickey asked, not dwelling on the fact that he sounded like a serial killer. They were in the middle of nowhere in the dark, it would be hard to make anything he said sound less than creepy, and frankly, he didn’t have the energy to bother trying.

 

The guy looked at him for a second, as if he was trying to figure him out.

 

”I’m not gonna slit your throat” Mickey put his hands up in mock defense and the guy finally nodded.

 

”Family problems”

 

”Your mom?” The guy raised an eyebrow. ”Kinda hard not to eavesdrop” The guy nodded.

 

”She’s sick. Me and my siblings try to take care of her, but it’s hard… Kinda wish I didn’t have that weight on me sometimes, you know?”

 

Mickey nodded a little bit. He did know, or at least he used to.

 

”I’m sorry, you don’t wanna hear this” The guy said then, but Mickey shook his head.

 

”It’s cool. What would you want if you didn’t have that? The weight?”

 

The guy studied him for a second, before shrugging.

 

”I don’t know what I want”

 

”Well, that’s not true. You want what everybody wants”

 

The guy rolled his shoulders back and raised an eyebrow, somehow growing an entire feet taller with his confidence.

 

”What’s that? Mysterious stranger who has all the answers?” Mickey let out a dark chuckle, mirroring the guy’s smile.

 

”Nah. You want adventure, a life worth telling about. Maybe even a little danger”

 

The smile dropped from the guy’s face and was replaced by a look of wonder. He opened his mouth half way, as if he wanted to say something but nothing came out.

 

”Is that so?” The guy finally asked and Mickey nodded.

 

”I think so, yeah”

 

They were quiet for a while, just looking at each other. Then Mickey took a couple of steps closer. Not too close, just enough so that he could talk to the guy without raising his voice at all.

 

”I want you to get everything you’re looking for. But right now, I need you to forget that this happened” Mickey’s mouth formed a smirk. ”Can’t have people knowing I’m in town yet”

 

And just like that, Mickey was gone. Leaving Ian in awe of the mysterious stranger who seemed to have all of the answers.

 

 

**Chicago, present day**

 

When Monica had first passed away, as much as all of them hated to admit it, the Gallagher kids first reaction had been to be relieved. Their mother had taken up so much of their energy, they had to keep track of where she was, what she was doing, how she was feeling. It had been a complete mess, especially when there were young children in the house that also needed to be taken care of.

 

The last few years of Monica’s life were intense for her children. Between feeding Liam, making sure Carl didn’t burn up the house, forcing Monica to eat something when she was low and making sure she didn’t steal their car when she was on a high, Fiona had slept maybe four hours in an average week. So needless so say, they hadn’t been heartbroken over her death. Sure, they had all shed a tear or two over Monica’s death, but all in all, they had gone on living as usual, and their lives had become easier rather than harder, if they were honest.

 

Ian walked down the stairs, throwing a hoodie on before grabbing his bag.

 

”Ian! Eat!”

 

Ian rolled his eyes, but obeyed his sister’s orders and grabbed a plate, sitting down at the kitchen table.

 

”First day, are you excited, Debs?” Lip asked, sitting down next to Liam so that he could make sure the little child ate something.

 

”It’s just school”

 

”What about you, Ian?” Fiona asked, but he shook his head.

 

”Nah” He had been in the same school for the past two years, so, no. It wasn’t too exciting.

 

What he was kind of worried about, though - was the treatment they would all be getting. The poor little Gallagher kids who lost their mother, no doubt. That wasn’t who Ian wanted to be. He didn’t want people to feel sorry for him, and he didn’t want them to look at him as if he was fragile, but they did. He had seen it at the grocery store, and he had seen it just randomly outside. It would be much worse in school, and he was dreading it.

 

Ian swallowed the last piece of toast and then got up from his chair, grabbing his bag. The sooner he got this over with, the better.

 

”Debs, Carl. Come on” Ian called, walking out of the house and getting into the family car. His younger siblings got in the back and then they started driving.

 

”What’s your first class?” Ian asked, trying to make some kind of conversation.

 

This was the first first day of school that Monica wasn’t with them, and even though Ian, Lip and Fiona weren’t too bothered by it, Ian knew that it had hit the younger siblings a lot harder, so he tried to do anything to keep their minds off of it. As much as he could, anyway.

 

”Math” Carl said, automatically.

 

”English, I think” Debbie mumbled.

 

”You guys doing okay?” Ian asked, even though he knew that it was a stupid question.

 

”Fine” Debbie said, and Ian nodded as they neared the school parking lot.

 

”I’m gonna see if I can make a volcano explode in science class” Carl mumbled and Ian nodded again.

 

”That’s good, bud. Just don’t blow up the entire classroom again, okay?” Ian said, parking the car.

 

”We’ll see” Carl stated, rummaging through his bag to make sure he had everything.

 

”You guys need a ride home?”

 

”No, I’m fine” Debbie said, getting out of the car.

 

”Alright, have a good day. What about you, Carl?”

 

”Nah, I’m good too. See you later”

 

”See you” Ian saluted his little brother before exiting the car himself and locking it.

 

Walking inside of the school was always nerve wracking to Ian, even though he was older now. You never knew what kind of rumors people will have heard about you over the summer, or if anybody has suddenly decided to hate you. Things like that tended to happen to the Gallagher family a lot, but thankfully, Ian didn’t get any middle fingers or weird looks as he made his way to his locker.

 

He got people looking at him with eyes that screamed with pity, but he just ignored those.

 

”Ian! How are you?” Ian turned his head and fixed his best friend with a strong look. ”Fine! Fuck, forget I asked” Dean mumbled.

 

Ian rolled his eyes and shoved the things he didn’t want into his locker before slamming it closed.

 

”I’m managing, just don’t fucking ask again”

 

”Got it, by the way have you seen the new guy?”

 

”What new guy? And why would I care?”

 

Dean shoved his shoulder into Ian’s and nodded his head towards a short guy further down the hallway.

 

”He’s hot, right?” Dean nodded as he spoke, and Ian fought the urge to roll his eyes again.

 

”All I can see is his back” Ian stated, but secretly studied said leather clad back.

 

”That’s a hot back” Dean stated. ”Rumor is he’s gay”

 

”You’re not gay” Ian pointed out and Dean shook his head.

 

”No, but you are. You should totally got talk to him. Might help take your mind off of… well, you know”

 

”You can say it, Dean. But I’m practically over it, I don’t need a fuck to forget about my mom dying. That’s just… wrong”

 

”Fine, then make it more than a fuck. What if you end up liking this guy?”

 

”I won’t” Ian stated.

 

”What if you did, though?”

 

”How much fucking coffee did you have this morning?”

 

”A lot” Dean grinned. ”Seriously though”

 

”No. I’m gonna start this year off right. No random fucks, no crushes and no moping about said death in the family. You gotta help me, because you know I’m gonna fucking crack at some point”

 

Dean studied his best friend for a second before finally nodding.

 

”Fine, I got it. Let’s go, jackass” Dean grabbed him by the shoulder and they roughhoused their way to their first class of the semester.

 

Ian was about two pages into the book that they had been assigned for silent reading when his phone buzzed. He thought about not checking it, being that there was only one person who would be texting him in the middle of class and it wouldn’t be anything important at all.

 

Ian fished the phone out of his pocket after all and looked at the screen as sneakily as he could.

 

 **Dean:** _Hottie is staring at you!_

 

Ian rolled his eyes and quickly typed back.

 

 **Ian:** _I don’t give a fuck_

 

 **Dean:** _You sure?_

 

 **Dean:** _He’s biting his lip._

 

 **Ian:** _I’m fucking sure, stop texting me_

 

Ian pushed the phone back into his pocket and then kept reading.

 

”So” The teacher said once the silent reading time was over. ”Who paid attention to the book instead of texting? Who can tell me what year it is set in? Scott” The teacher chose a guy in the back.

 

”1998” Ian saw the teacher fight back an eye roll.

 

”No. It was written in 1998, I’m asking what year it is set in. Milkovich?”

 

Ian perked up when somebody behind him started talking.

 

The new guy.

 

”The book is set in 1864”

 

”Very good” The teacher kept talking, but Ian didn’t listen.

 

All he could focus on was that voice and how it made him feel warm inside.

 

When the bell rung and the classroom cleared, Dean was immediately by Ian’s side as Ian gathered his things.

 

”What the fuck was that?”

 

”What?” Ian asked as they started walking.

 

”That guy is so your fucking type and you’re saying you don’t care?” Ian shrugged, trying to come up with a way to get Dean off of his back.

 

”It’s the first day, I just don’t wanna get into that shit, alright? Fuck, I haven’t even seen the guy’s face and I’m sure it wouldn’t change anything. Stop bugging me about it, alright?”

 

Dean nibbled his bottom lip before finally nodding.

 

”Fine, no more bugging you about the hot new guy. Got it. For real this time”

 

”Thanks” Ian groaned when he spotted Carl going into the boys bathroom, looking suspicious. ”See you in class”

 

”Carl!” Ian yelled when he entered the bathroom. He found his little brother accepting money from a freshman, and lost it. ”Carl, what the actual fuck!?”

 

The freshman quickly ran out of the bathroom as if his ass was on fire, leaving Ian alone to talk to Carl.

 

”What’s the big deal?”

 

”What’s the big deal?” Ian repeated in a low voice, the one he used when he was really fucking angry. Ian ripped the money out of Carl’s hands and held them in front of his face. ”You can’t be doing this”

 

”Why the fuck not? It’s the south side, no one gives a fuck”

 

”Maybe not on the streets, no, but you are in school. Bad things can happen, Carl! Things that can seriously damage your future” Ian stated, not sure how he felt about the fact that he sounded like an over protective father from the north side. He didn’t change his approach, though. He needed to get this out.

 

Carl didn’t say anything in response, so Ian continued.

 

”Look. I know that this has been hard on you. I know that you took mom’s death harder than any of us, even if you would never admit it. But doing drugs, or selling drugs isn’t gonna take your mind off of it, it’s not gonna make it any better”

 

”You do drugs” Carl pointed out. ”Lip and Fiona do it, too” Ian was quiet for a beat before running a hand down his face.

 

”We’re older. And sharing a joint with someone once in a while is fine, but selling drugs, Carl? Using the heavy stuff at your age, that’s not fine. If you’re doing this because you’re having a hard time, there’s better ways to deal with it”

 

”What, like fucking therapy? No thanks” Carl muttered.

 

”Fuck, no. We don’t have the cash for that. I was thinking more along the lines of beer and cartoons and talking to your siblings about it” Ian raised an eyebrow and Carl rolled his eyes, but finally nodded. ”We good?” Carl nodded again.

 

”Yeah, we’re cool”

 

”Good” Ian said, looking down at the money in his hand.

 

”I’m gonna hold onto this”

 

”Fuck you” Carl spat, but Ian just chuckled.

 

”Yeah, okay. See you at home, bud”

 

As soon as Ian exited the bathroom, he bumped into somebody. Quite literally.

 

”Fuck, sorry” Ian mumbled before finally looking at whoever had been in his way. It was the guy that Dean had been bugging him about all day, Ian realized when he took in the guy’s frame.

 

He was shorter than Ian, surely by a couple of inches, and he was wearing that distressed leather jacket that Ian had admired from the back this morning. The guy was fucking cute, too, Ian noted.

 

Fuck Dean for always knowing him too well.

 

”No, it’s my fault” The guy said, a small smile growing on his face.

 

”I’m Ian” Ian introduced himself for some reason.

 

”Yeah, I know…” The guy said awkwardly.

 

”Dean?”

 

”Yeah”

 

They chuckled and Ian found himself really liking this guy so far, fuck him for getting crushes so easily.

 

”Iggy” The guy said then and Ian nodded.

 

”Hey” Ian says lamely, feeling his cheeks growing more and more hot by the second. They look at each other for a while, Ian trying not to let his crush grow any further but as he took more and more of the guy in - in a none sexual way - it turned out to be impossible.

 

The guy was hot as fuck with his dirty blonde hair and the light scruff on his face, as if he hadn’t shaved in a few days. That, combined with the whole I don’t give a fuck how I look thing he had going on, Ian had a crush.

 

That was just it.

 

And Ian, who had fooled himself into thinking it would take more than a few hours to find someone to crush on.

 

Fuck.

 

The next class they were in together, Iggy wasn’t the only one looking. Ian looked over his shoulder and caught his glance more than once, blushing when their eyes met. Ian acted like such a fucking school girl when he had a crush, and he knew it. The thing was, Iggy was obviously into him as well, so it didn’t bother Ian at all that it was cheesy to look at each other this way.

 

Ian’s phone buzzed once the class was almost over and he rolled his eyes, prepared to tell Dean to fuck off.

 

 **Dean:** _You like him now, huh? He’s hot, isn’t he?_

 

 **Ian:** _Shut the fuck up_

 

 **Dean:** _That obviously means yes_

 

 **Dean:** _Use a condom_

 

 **Ian:** _Fuck you to hell_

 

Ian kept a smile on his face as he typed, though. He was actually kind of happy his best friend was this persistent.

 

Carl ended up needing a ride home after all, and Ian was thankful he had been able to stop whatever his little brother originally had had planned after school was out.

 

”Why are you smiling?” Carl asked, looking at his brother from the passenger seat.

 

”Why you asking?” Carl shrugged.

 

”It’s creepy” Ian rolled his eyes, the smile falling a little bit but not disappearing.

 

”Had a good day, that’s all”

 

”Still creepy as fuck” Carl stated. ”Hey, do you think we still have that old blow torch down in the basement?”

 

”Sure…” Ian answered, forcing himself not to ask. When it came to Carl, the Gallaghers had with time figured out that they were all better off not knowing.

 

”I’m gonna go down and look for it” Carl said when Ian had parked the car.

 

”Alright” Ian yelled, getting out of the car and locking it. ”Be careful bud, okay?” He was quiet for a couple of seconds, listening for an answer, but there was none, so he shrugged to himself and walked inside of the house.

 

”Hey, how was the first day of school?” Fiona asked, rushing around the house, obviously getting ready to go to work.

 

”It was fine” Ian said, making sure to keep the idiot smile off of his face, the last thing he wanted to do was answer a bunch of questions.

 

”That’s good, monkey” Fiona had never really gotten out of the habit of calling her brothers her monkeys, hell, Lip even had to hear it on a regular basis, but it didn’t bother any of them too much. ”I’m not gonna be home until midnight, but there’s food to warm up for all of you, and make sure Carl doesn’t stay up too late. You know how he gets. Where is he, by the way? Thought he would be coming home with you”

 

”He’s down in the basement looking for our blowtorch” Fiona rolled her eyes.

 

”Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself, or… anyone else with whatever he’s doing” Ian nodded.

 

”Got it, Fi. See you tomorrow”

 

Fiona kissed Ian’s cheek and he saluted her right as she exited the house, rushing to the car.

 

Ian grabbed the juice out of the fridge and then headed down to the basement.

 

”Carl? You find the torch yet?”

 

”Yeah” Came a muffled response from the corner.

 

”It’s not working, though” Carl said, walking closer to Ian and out of the pile of stuff they had gathered over the years.

 

”I’m sorry, bud” _Thank fucking god._

 

Ian screwed the top of the juice box off and took a sip.

 

”What were you gonna use it for?”

 

”It’s nothing. We got any Doritos?” Ian shrugged.

 

”No clue, go look”

 

Carl went past Ian up into the house again and Ian shut the light off, locking the basement door behind them. Ian trudged up the stairs and into his room, cracking the small window open so that he could have his daily smoke without Fiona complaining.

 

She didn’t really give a fuck about any of them smoking, but she hated it when they did it inside, so most of them were considerate enough to at least sit near an open window. Carl didn’t most of the time but they had all given up on him in that department.

 

Ian lit the cigarette and breathed in before letting the smoke escape through his nostrils.

 

He let his mind wander, it went to school, and to his siblings.

 

To Iggy.

 

Ian really should have learned his mistake by now. Becoming this into somebody this quick had never gotten him any place good, albeit, he couldn’t really do much about it.

 

Ian jumped when he was ripped out of his thoughts by a sound.

 

A crow, to be more exact. It was sitting on the window sill, and he felt as if it were staring at him, not much in life made him uncomfortable, but this did it. Why did it do that? Weren’t birds supposed to be fucking scared of humans or some shit?

 

Ian put out the cigarette and then waved the crow out the window before closing it.

 

What the hell?

 

A couple of hours later, Ian was sitting in front of the television with Debbie, watching some kind of random chick flick when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

 **Dean:** _How did it go with hottie?_

 

 **Ian:** _You mean Iggy? I know you talked to him about me so fuck you for that. I forgot to tell you earlier._

 

 **Dean:** _Hate me all you want for it, but it worked, right?_

 

 **Dean:** _So you like him?_

 

Ian sighed, seeing no reason to lie.

 

 **Ian:** _Obviously_

 

 **Ian:** _The guy is hot as fuck_

 

 **Ian:** _Nice personality too as far as I can tell_

 

 **Dean:** _You gonna ask him out?_

 

 **Ian:** _No!_

 

 **Dean:** _Why the fuck not?_

 

 **Dean:** _You know you’re really abusing my match making skills here. They’re going to waste because of you, my friend_

 

 **Ian:** _I’m not wasting anything, jackass_

 

 **Ian:** _I never asked you to set us up_

 

 **Ian:** _And if I’m honest, your ”match making skills” are actually kind of annoying._

 

 **Dean:** _Fine, whatever, dude. See ya_

 

 **Ian:** _Aw is someone getting pissy?_

 

 **Dean:** _Nah, man_

 

 **Dean:** _I got a date_

 

 **Ian:** _Tammy?_

 

 **Dean:** _Yeah, she’s so fucking hot_

 

 **Ian:** _Wear a condom_

 

 **Dean:** _Fuck you, man_

 

 **Ian:** _See you tomorrow_

 

 **Dean:** _See ya_

 

Ian sighed, putting his phone aside and directing his gaze back at the television screen.

 

 

Iggy entered the Milkovich house and threw his jacket over the chair by the door. It had taken a while to get used to living in a house this big, it was practically an old mansion, but he had gotten used to it. Since their aunt had left it to Iggy and his siblings, and Iggy was the only one still living in Chicago, he figured it would be a bad idea to let it go to waste.

 

The whole house kind of looked like a seventies auction, but there was no way he was spending his money and time on redecorating, especially since he was practically never home anyway. The whole Milkovich family was now pretty much scattered all over the country, it had happened when Terry had croaked.

 

The siblings had practically thrown a party, but then after a few weeks, they all realized that they were free. The one person who had always kept them from doing whatever the fuck they wanted was gone, and they could go anywhere, do anything. And so they did. Once in a while Iggy found himself wondering what Colin was doing, or if Tony had knocked any chicks up yet, but it wasn’t as if they missed each other, really.

 

The Milkovich kids had always been kind of lone wolves, and none of them really needed each other in the same way now that they once had. They had needed each other to keep Terry off of their backs, but now, well… they were free.

 

And they were all taking advantage of it, living exactly how they wanted to live.

 

Iggy walked into the living room and poured a glass of the bourbon standing on the table. He was just about to put it to his lips when there was a creak coming from upstairs. He tilted his head, trying to hear if there were anymore sounds, but he didn’t hear a thing.

 

So he put the glass down onto the wooden table and headed upstairs. Even though Iggy had lived in this house on and off for almost three years, it was still a fucking labyrinth so it took him a good five minutes to find the door to the study, where he was sure the sound had been coming from.

 

It was empty as far as he could tell, but that didn’t make him relax one bit. Instead he rolled his shoulders back and took another step into the room.

 

Something was off.

 

Not like the lamp was in the wrong place, but it was just a feeling. Maybe a smell or something in the air, he couldn’t really tell. No matter what it was, it made his hairs stand up.

 

Growing up in the Milkovich house, he was rarely scared of anything, and he wouldn’t say he was scared now either. But growing up with Terry had also given his kids an incredible sense of when something was wrong, when they should be looking out.

 

Iggy jumped at the sound coming from the window, and narrowed his eyes.

 

The crow quieted down and he followed it with his eyes as it flew into the room and sat on a chair. Iggy swallowed and turned away from the crow, towards the open balcony door.

 

”Mickey”

 

”Hello, brother”

 

 

Once the lasagna that Fiona had left in the fridge was warmed up, all of the Gallagher kids gathered around the kitchen table. Ian had a hard time taking his mind off of his new crush. Iggy. Fuck, even thinking the name made him smile like an idiot.

 

Sometimes he really wished that he was one of those people who never or rarely got crushes, but then again, it was actually kind of nice. To feel this giddy so easily.

 

”Ian, why are you smiling?” Debbie asked and Ian shrugged, trying to wipe the grin off of his face, but he failed miserably.

 

”Just… it’s nothing” He decided and his siblings nodded, none of them having the energy to care.

 

”Still creepy” Carl mumbled as Lip tried to get a piece of food into Liam’s mouth that the little child obviously didn’t want.

 

”It’s not creepy, jackass” Debbie intervened. ”I think it’s nice” Ian chuckled.

 

”Thanks, Debs”

 

 

”Crow’s a bit much, don’t you think?” Iggy asked bitterly as Mickey made his way into the study.

 

Mickey shrugged.

 

”Nah” Iggy rolled his eyes. He really didn’t have the patience to deal with his brother right now.

 

”When did you get here?”

 

”Heard you were going back to school. Couldn’t miss that shit, right?” Mickey spoke with a smile on his face that said he was here for anything but good reasons. Probably just to have a chance to annoy Iggy to death.

 

”Why now? It’s been five years” Iggy spat. He never had any patience for his little brother, and especially not today.

 

”Thank god, that was not a good year for me” Iggy rolled his eyes again, why did he bother to try to make conversation with this jackass? Ever since their family had started to drift apart all those years ago, Mickey had become more and more of an asshole, and eventually, everyone had practically given up on him.

 

”Yeah, me neither” Iggy said. ”Why are you here _now_?” He asked again, hoping to get an actual response this time.

 

Mickey turned around, locking eyes with him, a smirk steadily growing on his lips.

 

”I could ask you the same question, however…” Iggy sighed, hoping this wouldn’t go in the direction that it seemed to. ”I’m pretty sure your answer could be summed up into one single word. Ian”

 

Iggy’s breath got caught in his throat as he registered the words.

 

”How do you know about that?” Mickey shrugged lazily.

 

”Not much to do around here anymore. Kinda boring actually”

 

 ”You don't have anything interesting going on, so you’re spying on _my_ life?”

 

”Hey…” Mickey said, taking a step closer to his brother. ”You don’t have to get so defensive. I’m happy for you, bro”

 

Iggy took a cautious step back, sizing Mickey up, trying to figure him out.

 

”Really?” Mickey nodded.

 

”Sure” Mickey had that one special look on his face, the one that Iggy could never seem to read. He studied Mickey for a second longer, and then he realized that he hadn’t, in fact gotten an answer to his question.

 

”You never gave a shit about me before. Why are you here now?” Mickey shrugged playfully.

 

”Am I not fucking welcome or some shit?” Mickey mockingly asked. ”In case you forgot, this is just as much my house as it is yours. Technically, anyway”

 

”Why can’t you go and bug Tony or Colin? Pretty sure they’d appreciate it a bit more. Leave me alone” Iggy turned around, walking out of the study. However, it only took a couple of seconds before he heard the footsteps behind him, following.

 

”What the fuck do you want from me?” Iggy asked loudly, turning towards his brother when they were in the living room again. ”And don’t try to fucking weasel your way out, okay? Why are you here now?”

 

Mickey was quiet for a beat, just studying Iggy’s face. Iggy was just about to roll his eyes and turn around when Mickey’s face broke out into a mocking grin.

 

”I missed my brother”

 

The tone of his voice was anything but sincere and he chuckled as he walked past Iggy, grabbing his glass of bourbon.

 

This was gonna be a long fucking night.

 

 

Fiona came stumbling inside the house at one am, startling Ian and Lip who had dozed off in front of the television screen to some random horrible thriller movie.

 

”Hey, monkeys. You’re still up? It’s late”

 

”We’re old enough, Fi” Lip said and Ian looked up at his sister.

 

”How was work?” Fiona shrugged and sat down beside Lip on the couch.

 

”Same old. I’m thinking maybe it’s good, though. We’ve never really had anything like that before, you know?” Ian and Lip nodded.

 

They knew exactly what she meant. To some people, a stable job may be just that, a stable job. But to the Gallaghers, it was much more than that. To know that one of them had something that they could rely on to some degree. Their lives had always been up and down and uncertain, but in the past few months, it had become better. A lot better.

 

Maybe it was cruel to say that their lives had become easier because their mother had died, but it was the truth. Even though on some level somewhere, they had loved her, they had been forced to take care of her and that shouldn’t be their job.

 

Debbie shouldn’t have to worry about Monica eating, and Carl shouldn’t have to worry about her climbing up onto the roof. Ian shouldn’t have to worry about getting her out of bed and Lip shouldn’t have to worry about their mother stealing their money. Fiona shouldn’t have to worry about these things and so much more, yet here she was, stumbling home at one am. It was good to some degree, though.

 

Much better than it had been in the past. Even if the bills weren’t always completely paid, and even if they fought sometimes like all siblings did, their lives were good. And none of the Gallagher kids would give that up for anything.

 

”I’m exhausted, I’m gonna go to bed. You guys staying up?” Fiona asked, standing up.

 

”A little while, there’s gonna be a re run of the walking dead soon” Ian said and she nodded, kissing both of her brothers on the head.

 

No matter how old they got, they wouldn’t mind that. A kiss on the head, or a hug from Fiona was a reminder that they would always have her, that she would always do her best to take care of them.

 

That she was more of a mother to them than Monica had ever been. And even though Fiona had surely made her share of mistakes, both with her siblings and in other situations, she cared. She loved them all and she cared way more than anybody else ever had. And maybe that was what made a family. Not two good parents and a green backyard, but love. Faith that if you just kept pushing and if you held onto each other then you could get through anything. Hope that even if you went through something that was super difficult to deal with, like Monica’s death, then those people that loved you the most would still be there for you.

 

They would lean on you and you could cry on their shoulder and nothing would ever be able to ruin that. Sometimes, whenever Ian got angry with somebody in his family, he thought about that. He thought about how lucky they actually were that they had each other and how bad it would be if they didn’t support each other this way. Ian loved his family, and nothing would ever be able to change that.

 

 

The next morning, for some reason, Ian woke up with a smile on his face even though he hadn’t even had four hours of sleep. He had a feeling that it may have something to do with the fact that he was going back to school, and that he would probably see Iggy again.

 

It was stupid, really. How quickly Ian got a crush, not just a small one, either, but a massive one.

 

He wasn’t even sure this guy was gay, Dean had said that there was a rumor going around that he was, and he had certainly looked at Ian as if he was interested, but you never know. Maybe that was just who he was.

 

Regardless, Ian was cheery as he got dressed and walked down the stairs to greets his siblings.

 

”Hey, man” Lip said. ”There’s toast, Fiona’s still asleep” Ian nodded, trying to keep from yawning as he made himself a plate of breakfast.

 

The atmosphere was a lot calmer today than yesterday. Most likely because it had been the first day of school and it was always kind of nerve wracking, even if you didn’t admit it to anybody at the time. The second day of school, though, no one really cared. It was just like any other day.

 

All of the Gallagher kids ate their food and then Ian got into the car with Debbie and Carl, heading towards the school just like the day before.

 

The ride was quiet, no one having the energy to speak.

 

”You need a ride home today?” Ian asked, locking the car.

 

”I do” Debbie said.

 

”Yeah, me too. See ya” Carl mumbled and they were off, walking away from their brother.

 

As soon as Ian entered the school, he spotted Dean, waiting for him by his locker.

 

”Hey” Ian nodded to him, opening his locker and sorting through his stuff to make sure he had everything for his next class.

 

”How did it go with Tammy? Take my advice?” Ian chuckled, but Dean just shook his head.

 

”Nah, chick’s crazy”

 

”Thought that didn’t matter as long as she was hot” Ian recalled one of his best friend’s useless lectures a few months back.

 

”Sure, if she’s a little bit crazy, but this girl’s insane” Ian rolled his eyes and closed his locker, leaning against it and directing all of his attention towards Dean.

 

”How so?”

 

”I don’t know, man. It’s like she wants to have a relationship or something”

 

”Oh, no!” Ian said mockingly.

 

”I know, I know” Dean rolled his eyes. ”Should probably work on my…” 

 

”Commitment phobia?”

 

”Do you mind if I finish my own sentences?” Ian shrugged.

 

”So anyway, she’s not for me. What about you and the new guy?” Dean asked as they started walking down the hallway.

 

”He’s so fucking hot, but I don’t know if he’s into me. Or even guys. I get crushes too easily and I always get the rug pulled out from under me. Maybe I should force myself to slow down on this one” Waking up smiling about somebody that you have barely said a word to just isn’t healthy, and Ian knew this.

 

”Why? This guy is obviously gay, and what person who’s into guys wouldn’t be into you?” Dean slapped Ian shoulder and Ian rolled his eyes as they entered the classroom.

 

”That really flattering, thanks” His tone was sarcastic, but he actually did appreciate Dean’s random pep talks. They had gotten him through a lot of shit in the past.

 

The class passed by in a blur, and as Ian was gathering his things, Dean came up to him again.

 

” _He doesn’t like me_ ” He said mockingly. ”Fuck that shit, he was staring at the back of your head the entire hour”

 

”I never said he didn’t like me” Ian pointed out. ”All I said was that I didn’t know… You really think he does?” Dean shrugged and as they exited the classroom, Dean nodded his head to the side.

 

”Ask him” And then Ian’s best friend was gone, and Ian spotted no other than Iggy, walking up to him.

 

”Hey” Iggy said and Ian managed a smile even though he was nervous as fuck.

 

”Hey”

 

”Ian, right?”

 

”Yeah. Iggy” Fuck this was awkward.

 

Ian’s heart was pumping so fast he was scared that it may be unhealthy.

 

Iggy smiled at him for a second before he seemed to catch himself in the act and he snapped out of it.

 

”Look, sorry if this is forwards or whatever, but I was wondering if you would want to do something? Maybe tonight?” Ian’s eyebrows raised in surprise and he found himself nodding a little too enthusiastically.

 

”Yeah, sure. Absolutely” Iggy joined in on the nodding, smiling just as brightly as before.

 

”Can I have your number and we can figure something out?” Ian nodded again and fished his phone out of his pocket, handing it to his crush, accepting Iggy’s in return. Once they had each other’s numbers saved, they pocketed their phones and looked at each other again.

 

”Text you after school?” Ian asked.

 

”Yeah, of course. See ya” Iggy said, smiling as he backed away.

 

”See ya” Ian said back and then walked to his locker to get ready for his next class. He had his number, they were going on a date.

 

Holy freaking hell.

 

 

”Yo, man” Dean said as he joined Ian by his locker after their last class. ”How did it go with hottie now, then, huh?”

 

Ian tried to hide his smile, but Dean had known him for too long and he knew him too well.

 

”Holy fuck, something happened, didn’t it?” Dean punched Ian’s arm lightly.

 

”Fuck you” Ian said, snapping Dean’s cheek, making him put his hands up in mock defense.

 

”Okay, okay. But seriously, man. How did it go?” Ian smiled.

 

”Got his number”

 

”That’s fucking great! You going out?” Ian nodded.

 

”Probably tonight”

 

”That’s fucking great, man! I told you he liked you”

 

”Yeah, yeah” Ian said, the grin still on his face. ”Don’t know how it’s gonna go yet, just don’t get too excited”

 

”Alright. I gotta head out, tell me how it goes, alright?”

 

”I will, see ya”

 

Ian stood still in the hallway for a minute after Dean was gone, contemplating waiting to text Iggy until a little bit later, maybe after he got home. He decided not to, though. They had said after school so Ian figured what the hell.

 

Then, of course, came the horrific moment when he had to decide what to text.

 

A lame ’ _hey_ ’ would be, well… lame. A ’ _Hey, it’s Ian_ ’ would be redundant since they had saved each other’s numbers and he would obviously see it was Ian.

 

Ian typed and erased a few times before finally settling on a simple message. Not too laid back, not way too flirty.

 

 **Ian:** _Hey. Still wanna hang out tonight?_

 

Right after he sent it, he wondered whether maybe it ended up being too laid back anyway, but he pushed it out of his mind. He’d find out soon enough.

 

The reply came ten minutes later, when Ian was sitting in the car in the parking lot, waiting for Carl and Debbie.

 

 **Iggy:** _Yeah. I was thinking we could catch a movie or something, there something else you wanna do?_

 

Ian bit his bottom lip, trying to suppress a smile as he quickly typed back.

 

 **Ian:** _A movie’s fine :)_

 

He groaned as soon as it showed the message had delivered. A fucking smiley face. That was so lame, why did he do that?

 

Iggy: Alright, you want me to pick you up?

 

Iggy wanted to pick him up? Okay, that was a date, right? There had been the slightest doubt in Ian’s mind that Iggy saw this as a date, but this did it. And Ian was really fucking okay with it. He smiled as he typed back.

 

 **Ian:** _Yeah, sounds good._

 

Ian sent him the address right as Debbie and Carl entered the car.

 

”You’re smiling again” Debbie pointed out.

 

”Yeah, and it’s still fucking creepy” Carl added.

 

”Leave me alone, rugrats” Ian sighed right as his phone dinged again.

 

 **Iggy:** _I’ll be there. Seven okay?_

 

 **Ian:** _Yeah, see you then_

 

Ian pocketed his phone and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot.

 

”So why are you smiling?” Debbie asked, a smile on her own face.”Is it a boy?” Ian chuckled.

 

”I’m not in elementary school, Debs” Even though he currently felt like it with this massive fucking crush nagging at him.

 

”You didn’t answer my question” Ian’s little sister pointed out, making him roll his eyes. His smile didn’t falter for a single second, though.

 

”Yes, it’s a guy. Are we done now?”

 

”You gonna tell me about him?”

 

”No”

 

”Then we’re good”

 

 

Ian came down the stairs at half past six, dressed in a pair of jeans and an open button up with a t shirt underneath.

 

”Ian?” Fiona asked from the kitchen.

 

”Yeah?” He asked, opening the fridge and taking a sip from the carton of juice.

 

”You going somewhere?”

 

”Yeah, I have a date” Ian answered, trying to seem confident. The truth is he wasn’t. He was so fucking nervous, because he really liked this guy. Iggy was the first guy in years that he was really interested in that seemed to maybe like him back, so of course. Yeah, he was nerve wracked.

 

”Debbie did tell me you like someone” Fiona stated, putting the last clean dish on the dish rack and directing all of her attention towards her little brother.

 

”Look, Fi. You got nothing to worry about, alright? I like someone, and we’re going out. I have no idea if it’s going anywhere at all yet” Fiona nodded slowly.

 

”You’re careful, right? You know, if…”

 

”I know how to use a condom, Fi” Ian pointed out, getting a little bit uncomfortable with this conversation.

 

”And I’m glad, but that wasn’t what I was going to ask you. You’re a sweet kid, Ian. A lot of the time you dive too deep too soon and you end up getting hurt. I just wanna make sure that doesn’t happen this time, alright?” Ian looked at her for a second before finally nodding.

 

”I’m good, Fi. I promise”

 

”Alright. You’re gonna be late, monkey. Go”

 

Ian smiled and gave her a brief hug before heading out of the house, just as Iggy pulled up outside. Ian bent down and smiled at Iggy through the glass before opening the door and getting in.

 

”Hey” Iggy said and Ian tried to stop himself from grinning too big as he took in his date.

 

Iggy was dressed in the same leather jacket, and his hair was a little bit messier than usual, but in a good way.

 

”Hey” Ian finally responded and Iggy mirrored his smile. The ride to the movie theater was pretty quiet, but oddly enough not too awkward.

 

 

”What kind of movies you into?” Iggy asked when they entered the building.

 

”Almost anything. Action is the best, what about you?” Ian studied the list of all the movies that were showing.

 

They kept making conversation all the way into the movie theater where the sci fi movie that they had ended up picking was showing. Ian realized that Iggy was really easy to talk to. If he was honest, conversation came just as naturally as it did with Lip or Dean.

 

Ian tried not to stare at Iggy’s lips as he was talking through the previews, but it was practically impossible.

 

When Iggy caught him looking, he was quiet for a second and then smiled before he kept talking.

 

They kept talking through the previews, telling each other small, random things like their favorite food or their favorite video game. It felt good, really good.

 

They both quieted down once the actual movie started, but Ian couldn’t really focus on it.

 

All he could focus on was Iggy’s hand next to his, and how fucking easy and natural it would be to take it. Ian thought about how he heard every word of the movie, but when he put it together, he couldn’t focus because if he wanted to, he could turn his head and kiss Iggy.

 

However, Ian made it through the entire two hours without making a single move on Iggy, which he kind of regretted in a way. The back of a movie theater was so obvious, but at the same time, it was so perfect.

 

If Ian had had a massive crush on Iggy before, it was nothing against what he felt when they exited the building, bumping shoulders. They talked a little bit on the way home as well, but much like the movie, Ian couldn’t really focus.

 

All he could do was focus on Iggy’s lips, and the way his hands were gripping the steering wheel.

 

Iggy parked outside of Ian’s house and Ian turned to him.

 

”This was fun, we should do it again” Ian said. Iggy nodded.

 

”Yeah, of course” Ian saw Iggy swallow as their eyes wandered over each other’s faces. ”Can I kiss you?” Iggy asked then and Ian’s face broke out in a smile.

 

”Please” Iggy chuckled at Ian’s response before leaning forwards and forming a chaste kiss.

 

Ian closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of having Iggy’s lips on his own. The butterflies were starting to move around in his stomach as well. When they pulled apart, they looked into each other’s eyes for a second, smiling.

 

Ian leaned back and cracked the door open, getting ready to get out.

 

”See you tomorrow?” He asked and Iggy nodded.

 

”Yeah, see ya” Ian exited the car and went into the Gallagher house, all the while not dropping the dopey smile.

 

 

When Ian was at his locker the next day, he got a hard slap across the back of his head.

 

”Ow! What the fuck are you doing?”

 

”You’re such a liar!” Dean complained and Ian raised an eyebrow.

 

”What? What did I do do deserve a head slam?”

 

”It was a head _slap_ ” Dean pointed out. ”And you didn’t tell me how the date went! Was there kissing? Making out? Oh, did you fuck or not?”

 

”Jesus fucking christ, Dean. I’m not obligated to tell you everything about my life” 

 

”So you did fuck?” Dean asked, grinning.

 

”No, we didn’t fuck. And shut up, everyone can hear you” Ian pointed out.

 

”Eh, they don’t give a fuck” Dean made a weak gesture the the people in the crowded hallway. ”They only care about themselves, so tell me. If you didn’t fuck, did you at least let him blow you?”

 

”No” Ian sighed. ”It was a harmless date, he kissed me goodnight” 

 

”Tongue?”

 

”No”

 

”Why not?” He whined and Ian was unable to keep himself from chuckling at his best friend’s childishness.

 

Ian finally shrugged.

 

"Because that’s just not what happened. You know, just because you fuck ’em and leave ’em doesn’t mean I have to” Dean nodded as if he was in deep thought and then leaned sideways against the row of lockers.

 

”So if you don’t wanna just fuck him, that means you like him. A lot” Ian studied Dean for a second before finally nodding.

 

”Yeah, I like him. A lot. You happy now?”

 

”Fucking ecstatic” Dean said sarcastically. ”Let’s go”

 

 

When Carl, Debbie and Ian entered the Gallagher house, they were met with Fiona and Vee sitting by the kitchen table with some kind of boxes on the floor.

 

”What’s this shit?” Carl asked and Ian whacked him in the back of the head lightly.

 

”Yeah, what is this?” Debbie asked.

 

”Well, I know how we have all been struggling a little bit with everything that’s been going on…” Fiona started, referring to Monica’s death.

 

”We got japanese lanterns!” Vee said, obviously very excited.

 

”Got it” Ian nodded. ”What’s that?” Fiona threw Vee a look, asking her to let her take this one.

 

”These lanterns are a symbol of letting go of the past. You light them, and then you let them go, you know as a metaphor. We thought it would be good. We got a few, so that we can have one each” Ian nodded, taking the words in.

 

It actually wasn’t a bad idea at all. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was actually a really good idea.

 

”Can I invite a friend?” He asked carefully and Fiona nodded.

 

”I called Dean, he’s gonna be here” Fiona assured her brother.

 

”No… I was talking about someone else”

 

”Okay, of course, but we don’t have any more lanterns, so you’ll have to figure that out somehow”

 

Ian nodded and headed upstairs, grabbing his phone and calling him before he could change his mind.

 

 _”Hello?”_ Iggy answered on the second ring.

 

”Hey. It’s Ian”

 

 _”Yeah, hey. What’s up?”_ He said and Ian found himself biting his lip just at the sound of his voice. Holy fuck.

 

”Look, my family and a few friends are going out to light japanese lanterns, I was just wondering if you wanted to come with?”

 

It was quiet for a few seconds before the muffled response came through the telephone speaker.

 

_”Yeah, sure. It sounds fun. I think I actually have one around here somewhere, was gonna do it one time but we didn’t get around to it”_

 

”Alright” Ian said. ”See you soon?”

 

 _”Yeah, see you”_ Ian could practically hear his smile through the phone and he mirrored it immediately.

 

 

Mickey entered the old Milkovich house, walking through the hallway and into the kitchen where he was met with Iggy, putting some kind of box onto the table.

 

”The fuck is this?”

 

”A japanese lantern, I’m going out and lighting it with friends” Iggy said, promptly avoiding the fact that friends included Ian, because he knew that Mickey seemed to have beer with the guy for some reason.

 

”A japanese lantern?” Mickey said mockingly. ”Maybe you should go out in a dress next” Iggy rolled his eyes before looking back at his brother.

 

”After all these years, can’t we just give it a rest? You used to be my brother, a pretty good one, where did that go, Mick? Huh?”

 

Mickey looked at him, and for a second, Iggy thought he saw the facade falter, but just as fast as it was gone, it was up again.

 

”Whatever, man. Have fun with your candles”

 

 

Ian let Iggy into the house and Fiona and Lip met him in the living room.

 

”I’m Iggy” He said, stretching a hand forwards. Fiona shook it first, as she introduced herself, and then Lip.

 

”Are you Ian’s boyfriend?” Carl asked as he came down the stairs. Lip and Fiona turned to Ian, apparently wanting an answer to that question themselves.

 

Iggy turned to Ian, who smiled and grabbed his hand.

 

”Yeah, he is” Lip and Fiona looked at each other, nodding slightly.

 

”Alright, Iggy. Come on in and have some coffee, we’ll be ready to go in a second”

 

Ian’s siblings went into the kitchen and Ian turned to Iggy.

 

”Are you cool with this? I mean the whole meeting the family is a big deal and all but actually meeting them as my boyfriend may be a little…” 

 

”Scary?” Iggy grinned and Ian rolled his eyes.

 

”I don’t know, man. But are you sure?” Iggy nodded, pressing a kiss to Ian’s lips.

 

”I’m sure. You’re my boyfriend, alright?” Ian grinned.

 

”I like that”

 

 

Ian and Iggy bumped shoulders as the ground walked out into the field where they would have their little ceremony. The two of them held hands as Veronica lit her lantern.

 

”Mine is for Monica” Vee stated. ”For the person I used to be. For the past, everything that I need to let go of. Here it goes”

 

Fiona lit hers, tearing up a little bit.

 

”This one is for our mother. For all the mistakes we’ve made. To anybody who needs light”

 

Debbie smiled and lit hers next.

 

”Mine’s for mom”

 

Carl lit his next, for once acting like a rational human being.

 

”To mom”

 

Lip went next.

 

”To all of us, because we had to grow up way too fast”

 

Ian turned his head at that one, registering the words. It was a really good one, the best one yet.

 

”Mine is for my father” Dean said. ”And for Monica, for anyone that we have lost, anyone who needs it tonight” Ian smiled at his friend.

 

”This one…” Kev started, lighting the lantern in his hand. ”Is for your mother, Monica. It’s for everything that is supposed to be in the past. Everything we need a little extra help to let go of”

 

Iggy went next.

 

”Mine is for everything. Everyone who needs it”

 

Ian squeezed his hand before letting go so that he could light his lantern.

 

”This one is for Monica, our mother. Because even though she was sick, she was never evil. This lantern is also for all of us, and for everyone that we have lost along the way. To everyone who needs a little light”

 

Fiona wiped her tears and sighed.

 

”Alright. Are we ready?”

 

”Yeah” Everyone said, and then they let the lanterns go up into the sky.

 

A course of Oohs and Aahs went through the group as the lights went further and further up into the black sky.

 

Ian couldn’t help but feel a little bit lighter.

 

 

”Floating lanterns in the sky. Can you believe that? Japanese lanterns is a symbol of letting go of the past, well here’s a newsflash - we’re not japanese” Mickey stated bitterly.

 

”Like lighting a fucking candle or even saying a prayer is going to make everything better”

 

Mickey took a swing of the bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand.

 

”You know what they are? Children. They’re fucking children because they think that a simple act can just fix everything, help them let it go. Well, guess what? They’re fucking wrong. And I know what you’re gonna say. _’It makes them feel better, Mick’_ So fucking what? For how fucking long? Because as much as people try to deny it and tell themselves different, when you lose someone, nothing and no one will ever be able to make up for the fact that the only thing that you have…”

 

Mickey took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears in.

 

”Left, is a huge fucking hole in your chest where that person that you used to care about is supposed to be. And no fucking candle and no fucking prayer in the world is going to change that. It’s not gonna fix anything, nothing can”

 

Mickey put the bottle of alcohol to his lips again.

 

”Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children” He sighed.

 

”When someone’s just not there anymore, nothing can ever make you feel any better. The only reminder you have left is that fucking pain that never seems to go away, that hole gaping open… the feeling that you get, the feeling that you’re so fucking alone and nobody would ever be able to tell”

 

Mickey let out a sad chuckle and ran a hand over his face before taking another big gulp of the brown, stinging liquid and sighing as he felt it rip down his throat.

 

”I never fucking wanted to be this person. I never thought I would be. I’m the fucking guy moping around with a bottle of Jack in his hand, and there’s nothing I can do to fucking change it, no matter how much I want to” Mickey spoke his truth.

 

”So thanks, friend… thanks for making me like this. Thanks for fucking reminding me of this place, for making me come back here. I should be long gone by now”

 

He sighed, taking another swing of the booze, hoping this would make him at least a little bit more numb to the infinite pain.

 

”I never get the guy, remember?” Mickey muttered then. ”Fuck, if he saw me, he probably wouldn’t even remember me. Nah, Iggy always gets the guy. I’m just stuck here, fighting with my brother and moping over the fact that I’ll never be myself again, that this is who I am. Broken, alone and misunderstood. But hey, maybe it’s best that way after all. I cared about someone once, and it got me… well, I don’t have to tell you, do I?” Mickey sighed.

 

”I cared and now I’m here. No way I’m doing that shit again. This fucking burning, throbbing pain in my chest… I just want it to go away, but it won’t. It can’t. No fucking lanterns and no fucking candles and no fucking prayers and no fucking sliver of hope is going to be able to change that. It’s not supposed to, and I’m not sure I really want it to” Mickey admitted.

 

”Maybe this is just who I am, who I was always supposed to be. Broken, alone and hated. But I do miss you. I never say that out loud, not even to myself. I miss you so fucking much it hurts sometimes, and I feel so alone in it. The pain and the distress and the darkness. I don’t like it and I never admit it. This isn’t who I want to be, but it’s who I am now, and it’s probably for the best”

 

Mickey took yet another swing of the bottle and looked around, studying the trees. There was a deer in the distance, or maybe it was a moose, he couldn’t tell. It was too far away. Green grass beneath him, wet from the rain that had fallen a few days before. Life, all around him, he realized. A circle of life, just like that fucking disney movie said.

 

Life, something he didn’t feel too keen on right now. Hope? No thanks.

 

All he could see ahead of him was a dark fucking tunnel, filled with angst and pain and everything else that would make him miserable.

 

Mickey could never ever see himself be happy again.

 

”It seems like it should be easier than this, like there should be something more to it. I guess people have different ways of dealing with this shit, huh? But I never understood the whole candle lighting thing, it’s stupid. It’s not gonna fucking fix anything. Nothing can. I won’t ever get rid of this fucking weight in my chest, will I? The reminder that something is missing, something important. And the only fucking thing that I will ever have left as a reminder, is the pain. And a rock… with a birth date carved into it that I’m pretty sure is wrong” Mickey muttered before taking a last swing of the alcohol.

 

”So…” He stood up and looked down at the piece of rock in front of him. ”Thanks, for making me go through all of this shit. You owe me big”

 

With those words, he stumbled home again, leaving his sister’s grave behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this turned out okay, I have had this idea for a long time and I finally got the peace to write it. 
> 
> The rating and warning is obviously for the upcoming chapters, but also because parts of this fic will be pretty dark and I don't want anybody who can't handle that to read it. It won't be much worse than this chapter, but it can still be triggering to some people. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think, feedback is always welcome!


	2. I'll Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He didn't tell me he had a brother"
> 
> "Well, Iggy's not one to brag"

Ian and Iggy had been together for almost a month now, and Ian thought everything was going fine.

 

It was really good, actually.

 

Whenever they were together, he got this sense of calm, like this was where he was supposed to be somehow.

 

It was a regular night.

 

The two were sitting on the Gallagher couch, eyes fixed to the television screen.

 

Some kind of bad horror movie was on and neither of them really cared too much about the plot, but they watched it anyway. Ian was leaned against Iggy’s side, his arm safely wrapped around Ian’s frame.

 

It felt natural, it felt… well, safe.

 

And that was something that Ian had never really experienced before.

 

The movie was about to end, the last few minutes growing more and more intense, but Ian was getting more and more aware of Iggy’s face inches away from his own.

 

Even though they were both still turned towards the television, Ian could feel his breath.

 

Ian turned his head, looking up at Iggy, and it only took a few seconds for Iggy to turn his head as well.

 

They looked at each other for a beat before Ian surged forwards, pressing their lips together in a searing kiss.

 

Iggy immediately accepted the kiss, laying down on his back and pulling Ian with him as they forgot all about the movie.

 

 

The next morning, Ian woke up in his twin bed, Iggy’s arms tightly spooning him from behind and his breath fanning the back of his neck.

 

A smile broke out of Ian’s face as he turned around and looked at Iggy right as his eyes fluttered open.

 

”Morning” Ian said and Iggy grinned.

 

”Hey” Came the raspy response.

 

Ian inched forwards and captured his lips in another kiss.

 

”What time is it?” Iggy mumbled when they had pulled apart.

 

”Almost nine” Ian whispered, in fear that his brothers were still asleep. He pressed a soft kiss to the base of Iggy’s neck. ”It’s Saturday, though”

 

Iggy nodded for a second before his face broke out in another grin.

 

”What?” Ian asked, struggling not to mirror his boyfriend’s expression.

 

Iggy just shook his head.

 

”Nothing” He said before pressing another deep, open mouthed kiss to Ian’s lips.

 

 

Half an hour later they were alone in the room, getting dressed.

 

”You got something to do today or you wanna hang out here?” Ian asked, zipping his jeans up.

 

”I have a thing, actually. Later?” Ian nodded.

 

”What is it?” Iggy shrugged.

 

”Nothing important”

 

Ian pulled his shirt over his head and stepped close to Iggy, placing his hands on his hips and looking into his eyes.

 

”You know… I’ve never been to your place”

 

Iggy visibly froze up and Ian dropped his hands, taking a step backwards.

 

”What?”

 

”Nothing, nothing…” Iggy said, grabbing his shirt from the bed. ”I just, I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”

 

”Why not? You live alone, right?”

 

Iggy scratched the back of his neck, obviously trying to come up with something to say that would end this conversation.

 

”Yeah… look, can we talk about this some other time? I want you to come by my place, but not now, okay?”

 

Ian raised an eyebrow, but finally nodded in defeat.

 

”Yeah, okay”

 

Iggy smiled and took a step forwards, pressing their lips together before heading out of the room, leaving Ian alone, wondering what the hell just happened.

 

 

Over breakfast, everything was normal.

 

All the Gallagher kids, along with Iggy sat by the table, chewing their cereal, oatmeal, toast or whatever the fuck they had each chosen that morning.

 

Iggy seemed relaxed again, but Ian couldn’t shake the feeling that he had stumbled upon something.

 

What possible reason could his boyfriend have for not wanting him to come to his house?

 

If he lived alone like he said, then what was the problem? And if he did in fact not live alone, what the fuck was he hiding?

 

Ian knew that he had a tendency to overreact, so when Iggy left the house with a kiss to Ian’s lips, Ian went up stairs and took his cellphone out.

 

 _"Hey, man. What’s up?”_ Dean answered on the fourth ring.

 

”Nothing much, could you come over?”

 

It was quiet for a second before Ian could hear some rustling on the other end. It was probably his friend walking away from where other people could hear him.

 

_”Sure I can. Is something wrong?”_

 

Ian sat down on his unmade bed, flashes of last night coming back.

 

”I don’t… I don’t know. You always say I over react, so before I do something stupid, can you just come over and listen?” Ian practically begged.

 

_”Of course, I’ll be over soon, let me just have my breakfast”_

 

”Alright thanks” Ian said, pulling the phone away from his ear and ending the call.

 

The thing about this whole Iggy thing was that he had seemed so perfect, and he had made I an feel something that he couldn’t really explain. It sounded stupid to say that it felt like he was supposed to meet Iggy, but that was the truth.

 

So when he acted like that over the smallest thing, it just got Ian confused. It got him thinking that, maybe this was it.

 

Maybe his boyfriend wasn’t as perfect as he had seemed, and maybe it was better to find that out now then later. Maybe Iggy not wanting him to come to his house was a stupid thing to keep spinning over, but it was weird.

 

He had completely frozen when Ian had mentioned it, that wasn’t normal.

 

”Dean’s here!” Lip yelled from downstairs and Ian snapped out of his daze, walking down the stairs to find his best friend waiting for him on the couch.

 

”What’s the big emergency?” He asked as Ian flopped down next to him, taking a breath before speaking.

 

”You’re gonna think I’m over reacting and that it’s nothing, but hear me out, okay?”

 

”Yeah, of course” Dean promised and Ian nodded to himself.

 

”Something really weird happened with Iggy this morning. I’ve never been to his house, and I pointed it out, sort of indirectly asked if I could come over sometime, you know?” Dean nodded, urging Ian on to continue. ”He froze, just completely fucking froze and started stuttering about how it wasn’t a good time or whatever, isn’t that weird?”

 

Dean was quiet for a second before finally nodding.

 

”Yeah. Yeah, that’s weird. He say anything else?” Ian shook his head lightly.

 

”Nah, he was completely normal over breakfast and before he left, so I don’t know what the fuck is going on”

 

”You think you’d get anything of of him if you asked?” Ian shrugged.

 

”Probably not a direct answer or anything useful”

 

”You know where he lives?” Dean asked then and Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah, man. Everyone does, it’s that big fucking creepy wooden mansion”

 

”That’s where he lives?” Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah, I think he inherited it”

 

”He lives alone?”

 

”Yeah, why?” Dean just shrugged.

 

”It’s huge. Seems like the kind of house you would share with someone, that’s all”

 

”What, you think he’s married?” Ian joked and Dean rolled his eyes.

 

”Probably not, but I know you. And because of that, I know you’re not going to be able to relax or let this go until you know the truth, so go find it. There’s obviously something to find out”

 

Ian sank deeper into the couch and looked at his best friend for a few seconds before nodding.

 

”Yeah, alright”

 

 

Dean left a couple of hours later, and Ian headed up to his room again, laying down on his bed as he let his head keep spinning.

 

If he was honest, he didn’t have any desire to go to Iggy’s house, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that his boyfriend was obviously hiding something, and it bugged Ian to no end.

 

Then, he came to think about his own joke to Dean.

 

He had joked about Iggy being married, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. Iggy was a good few years older than Ian, being that he never went to school when he was younger so he had been held back.

 

Was that really the reason Iggy didn’t want Ian to visit? That he was married? That he had a wife?

 

Ian knew that he always let things run wild inside of his own head, but at the moment, this seemed like the only logical reason for Iggy to act this way. Which was how Ian ended up outside of the Milkovich house only an hour later, knocking on the wooden door using the huge lion door knocker.

 

Ian waited a minute, and then he waited two but no one came to the door.

 

He carefully put his hand on the handle and pressed downwards, making the door slowly swing open. Ian held in a gasp as he took in the hallway.

 

It was fucking huge, even bigger than it looked from the outside.

 

The walls were made out of polished dark wood and the ceilings were so high up that Ian had to bent his entire head backwards as far as he could to even get a glimpse of it.

 

”Holy fuck” He whispered to himself.

 

There was obviously nobody home, so Ian turned around, just about to leave through the open door when a bird flew right at his face, startling him.

 

A crow to be more exact.

 

Ian turned around in his attempt to get away for the creature, only as soon as he spun around, his face was inches away from someone else's.

 

 

”Hey” Fiona smiled brightly, opening the front door for Iggy.

 

She couldn’t help but like her little brother’s new boyfriend.

 

He seemed sweet, like he really did care about Ian. In the past, the Gallaghers had all had their share of the jerks, not just Ian.

 

So she was happy that he had managed to find someone decent.

 

”Ian’s not here”

 

”Oh. Okay, can I wait?”

 

”Sure, but I think he was going to your place”

 

”What?” Iggy’s face paled, and Fiona raised an eyebrow.

 

”Yeah, is something wrong?”

 

”No, I uh… I gotta go” Iggy mumbled, promptly turning around and heading out of the house, leaving an incredibly confused Fiona behind.

 

 

”I’m sorry, the door was…” Ian turned his head to look at the obviously closed door. ”… Open”

 

He turned back, making eye contact with the stranger again. He looked at Ian for a second and tilted his head, a steady smirk growing onto his lips.

 

”You must be Ian. I’m Mickey, Iggy’s brother"

 

Ian turned his head slightly to the side, looking at the man.

 

”He didn’t tell me he had a brother” Ian stated, his eyes wandering over Mickey’s features.

 

The blue eyes, defined eyebrows and really, really plump lips.

 

Ian forced himself to snap out of it.

 

 ”Well, Iggy’s not one to brag”

 

Despite the fact that Mickey was a good few inches shorter than Ian, Ian didn’t feel too comfortable.

 

Yet something urged him on, making him stay in the house.

 

”Come on in, Iggy should be home shortly” Ian nodded, and followed Mickey into the living room.

 

”Holy shit” He couldn’t help but breathe as he took in the room. It wasn’t even really a living room, it was more like a ball room of some kind, albeit darker and there were furniture everywhere. ”This is your living room?”

 

Mickey let out a quiet chuckle as Ian kept looking around the room with his mouth half open.

 

”Living room, seventies auction. Take your pick”

 

They took a few more steps into the room before stopping.

 

”How long have you guys had this place?” Ian asked then.

 

”It’s been in the family for centuries” Mickey simply responded, not offering any details as to how and why he and Iggy specifically got it.

 

”So you live here with Iggy? Thought he lived alone” Ian said, wondering if maybe Mickey was the reason he didn’t want Ian to come to his house.

 

Since he hadn’t mentioned his brother before, it was a good guess, but Ian didn’t know why that would be the reason. He seemed fine. Mickey shrugged before opening his mouth.

 

”He did for a while, but then I came to town so I figured what the fuck” Ian nodded, turning his head away from the memorizing house and instead looking at Mickey, trying to figure out why he looked… well

 

”You look familiar” Ian spit out, regretting it when Mickey raised an eyebrow. ”Have we ever met before?” He pressed on regardless.

 

Mickey’s face seemed to fall for a second, but then he shook his head.

 

”No. I’d remember” A side of his mouth went up into another smirk, and Ian couldn’t help but feel as if he knew something Ian didn’t.

 

Like he was teasing him, but Ian had no idea what all of that was about.

 

”What do you mean?” Ian asked, tilting his head, keeping eye contact with Mickey.

 

”Nothing. Just… I can see why my brother’s so into you”

 

Ian nodded slowly, ignoring the comment otherwise. He didn’t really know what to say to that.

 

They kept looking at each other, the air growing tighter somehow.

 

Until Mickey opened his mouth.

 

”Hello, Iggy” He said, eyes not leaving Ian’s.

 

Ian snapped out of whatever planet he had been on and looked to the front door, where Iggy was indeed standing.

 

”Ian. Hey” He said, keeping his eyes fixed onto Mickey with a stern look on his face. ”Didn’t know you’d come by” Ian sighed.

 

By the way Iggy was looking at Mickey, he could tell, that, yes. His brother was totally the reason Iggy hadn’t wanted Ian to come over.

 

Not that Ian knew why, everything was fine.

 

”Yeah, Mickey was just…” He finally sighed. ”I should probably get going. Fiona’s gonna want me home soon”

 

Ian turned back to Mickey.

 

”It was nice to meet you, Mickey”

 

Mickey somehow managed to grin and smirk at the same time.

 

”Great meeting you, too, Ian”

 

Ian nodded and smiled a little awkwardly before walking past Iggy and exiting the house, closing the door behind him.

 

”Wow, great guy” Mickey said as soon as he and his brother were alone.

 

Iggy took a few steps forwards and crossed his arms.

 

”Mickey, please. He doesn’t need you forcing your way into his life just to ruin it” 

 

”Why would I ruin his life?” Mickey said in mock hurt.

 

”Because it’s what you do” Iggy pointed out. ”You ruin people’s lives. It’s not who you used to be, but it’s who you are. So stay away from Ian”

 

Mickey tilted his head, looking at his brother.

 

For a second, Iggy actually thought Mickey might agree, that was - until his face broke out into another grin.

 

”I'll take that as an invitation” Iggy made his hands into fists and rubbed his eyes with them.

 

”I can’t fucking do this. You’re impossible”

 

He walked into the kitchen, leaving Mickey alone in the living room, the grin on his face nowhere to be found.

 

 

Ian got into his car and drove away from the house, heading towards Dean’s place instead.

 

When he got away from the Milkovich house, it was as if he snapped out of something, like he had been in a daze.

 

It was so fucking strange. It sounded absurd, but he really did feel as if he and Mickey had met before, but Mickey had said no.

 

Still, Ian couldn’t shake that feeling.

 

Ian had to admit that Iggy’s brother was a little bit… weird? Flirty? Hell if Ian knew.

 

All he knew was that he didn’t really dislike Mickey, he seemed fine as far as the brother of your boyfriend goes.

 

So why didn’t Iggy want him to meet Mickey?

 

It was weird to Ian, everything had gone fine.

 

Of course, Ian hadn’t the chance to ask whether Mickey was the reason he had frozen this morning, but he knew. By the way Iggy acted when he came home, he knew.

 

Ian would make sure to talk to Iggy about it soon, but right now he needed to talk to his best friend.

 

He knocked on the door and Dean’s mother opened the door a minute later.

 

”Ian, hi. Dean’s upstairs”

 

”Thanks, Mrs Rodrigues” Ian smiled and walked through the huge marble floored living room, heading up the stairs.

 

Ian entered Dean’s room, finding him laying back on his bed with his phone in his hands.

 

”Yo, what’s up” He said, sitting up. ”You find anything out yet?”

 

Ian shrugged and nodded at the same time, sitting down on dean’s carpet floor.

 

”I went to his house, and met his _brother_ ” Dean’s eyebrows raised.

 

”He has a brother?”

 

”Mhm. I think the reason he didn’t want me to come to his house was because he didn’t want me to meet his brother, but I don’t get it. Mickey seemed like a good enough guy, it doesn’t make sense”

 

”What aren’t you telling me?” Dean immediately said, and Ian sighed.

 

He should have known he couldn’t slip something like this past his best friend. He had known him too long.

 

”I… The brother is attractive as fuck, okay?” Dean’s mouth went up in a smirk. ”But that’s not… I just, it felt weird. To see him. Like we had met before. But I feel like I’d remember that” Ian said, promptly leaving out the part where Mickey and Ian had sort of had this conversation already.

 

Dean just shrugged.

 

”What do you wanna do? Does Iggy know about this?” Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah, he came home when I was still there. He acted really fucking weird, that’s why I think Mickey was the reason he didn’t want me to come over”

 

Dean bit his lip, as if he was contemplating something.

 

”Look, just talk to him. You guys are perfect for each other, you’ll figure it out” Ian smiled.

 

”Thanks - ”

 

” _Dean Eugene Rodrigues_!”

 

The boys turned their heads at Dean’s mother’s voice coming from downstairs.

 

When they turned to look at each other again, both were red as a tomato, but for different reasons.

 

Dean was embarrassed, and Ian, well, he was just trying really, _really_ hard to keep a laugh attack in.

 

”Dean _Eugene_?” He asked, bursting out in said laugh attack, laying down and clutching his stomach. ”How - how did I not know this?”

 

”Shut the fuck up” Dean mumbled, running a hand through his long, brown hair.

 

”I’m so - I’m sorry” Ian said, finally starting to calm down a little bit, wiping the tears that had escaped his eyes.

 

When he was pretty much quiet again, Dean ran a hand over his face and sighed.

 

”I think I have to go help her set up for the party, your family’s coming, right?” Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah, man. It’s the Rodrigues party, the whole town’s gonna be here” Dean’s shoulders slumped.

 

”Sometimes I wish we didn’t have to have this thing every year. It’s so fucking annoying. Pretentious fucking pricks with money, and people who don’t care about anybody but themselves”

 

”Hey” Ian objected.

 

”And the Gallaghers” Dean smiled sweetly.

 

”Fuck you” Ian laughed and stood up.

 

”Should probably get home, I think I have a boyfriend to apologize to” Dean nodded.

 

”Ian”

 

”Yeah?” Ian turned around in the doorway, facing his best friend again.

 

”Just… don’t apologize too much, okay? He’s wrong too. Don’t take on all of the responsibility, it’s not right” Ian nodded.

 

”Thanks, see you. _Eugene_ ” 

 

”Oh, fuck you” Dean threw a pillow his way, but Ian was quick enough to slam the door shut.

 

 

As soon as Ian got home, he went upstairs and grabbed his phone.

 

He hesitated with his thumb hovering over the call button.

 

What if Iggy was really fucking pissed at him?

 

He had obviously not wanted Ian to come over to his house, and yet he had done it anyway. Ian took a deep breath and held the phone up to his ear.

 

 _”Ian?”_ Iggy answered on only the second ring.

 

”Yeah, hey” Ian sighed, wondering why Iggy didn’t sound pissed off.

 

”I’m sorry about going to your house, I shouldn’t have - ” 

 

 _”No, it’s okay. I should have told you about Mickey”_ Iggy sighed.

 

”Yeah, why didn’t you?” Ian asked, hoping to get a real, true answer.

 

Iggy just took a deep breath.

 

_”Look, maybe this isn’t a conversation we should be having over the phone. Can I come over?”_

 

Ian hesitated for a second before finally agreeing.

 

”Yeah” Ian nodded to himself. It was the only way to get through all of this shit.

 

_”Be over in ten, okay?”_

 

”Yeah” Ian repeated and hung up the phone.

 

If he was honest, he was really happy he was going to get an answer to this, it had been a long fucking day.

 

Ian knew that he was naive, he did. But he couldn’t see why Iggy didn’t want him to see his brother, Mickey seemed like a cool guy.

 

Maybe a little strange, but not evil or anything like that.

 

Fifteen minutes later there was a light knock on his bedroom door and he turned his head to see Iggy entering.

 

”Hey, your brother let me in”

 

Ian nodded and say up, leaning his back against the wall. Iggy walked closer and got on the bed, straddling Ian and pressing their lips together.

 

Ian wrapped his arms around Iggy’s waist and explored his mouth with his tongue for a second before finally pulling away.

 

”Explain. Why didn’t you just tell me you had a brother?”

 

Iggy sighed, running his thumb over Ian’s cheek.

 

”Look, there’s a lot of details to the story, a lot of things I’m not comfortable sharing right now. But basically Mickey and I grew up with a lot of siblings, we fought a lot, like siblings always do. But in a way we protected each other, too. Our father was abusive as fuck, so when he died, well, everyone kind of split, because he was what was keeping us in that small fucking miserable house. Most of us just split, and became less and less dependent off of each other. But Mick… he just got angry. No one really knows why”

 

Iggy took a deep breath.

 

”He’s not violent or anything like that, at least, not when he doesn’t need to be. He just kind of pops in to annoy me, or ruin whatever good thing I have going on…”

 

Iggy spoke the last sentence softer, eyes running over Ian’s face, as if to remind Ian that he was the good thing he had going on.

 

Iggy climbed off of Ian’s lap and stood up, taking another deep breath.

 

”So I guess that’s why I didn’t tell you. He messes with people’s lives and they don’t even realize he’s doing it. I didn’t want you involved in all of that. I’m sorry”

 

Ian nodded, trying to soak up all of the new information.

 

It made sense.

 

So why was Ian still a little bit on the fence? Like a part of him wanted to be on Mickey’s side instead of Iggy’s?

 

Ian knew it was crazy, though.

 

So he shook the feeling off best he could and stood up, wrapping his arms tightly around Iggy’s waist and pressed a searing kiss to his lips.

 

”I’m sorry, too” Ian whispered once they had pulled apart the slightest bit. ”I shouldn’t have gone to your house, I should have left it alone”

 

A smile pulled on the edges of Iggy’s mouth.

 

”I get it, I acted weird”

 

Ian let out a chuckle.

 

”Yeah, you did. It’s okay, though. I know now”

 

Their lips met in another deep kiss, and soon Ian wrestled Iggy down on the bed, climbing on top of him as their clothes were being thrown off in a rush.

 

 

The next morning, the Gallagher’s were rushing around the house, trying to get ready to go to the Rodrigues party.

 

Which was easier said than done, what with Debbie complaining that her dress wasn’t good enough and Carl running around in his boxers, still trying to get that damn blowtorch to work.

 

He had tried and tried and tried for the past month and he hadn’t succeeded, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t freak his siblings out whenever he got close.

 

”No, get dressed!” Fiona told him, grabbing the device from his hand and putting it on a shelf where he couldn’t reach it.

 

”Oh, come on! I almost got it working!”

 

”I don’t care” Fiona stated. ”Get dressed, we’re gonna be late. Ian!”

 

”I’m done, I’m done!” He yelled, coming down the stairs dressed in skinny jeans and a black button up.

 

”Can you feed Liam something? He hasn’t eaten in a while. And Lip, go find Debbie. I don’t know what she’s doing” Fiona said. ”Carl! How the fuck did you get that down?”

 

And then she ran off to chase Carl and the blowtorch.

 

Ian took a deep breath as he put Liam in a chair and started cutting up a banana.

 

It was always like this before they were supposed to leave for something like this.

 

Hectic as fuck and the younger kids always acted up.

 

Ian ran a hand over his face and put a piece of the fruit into his little brother’s mouth.

 

There was this thing that had been nagging at Ian for a while.

 

Well, actually just about twenty four hours.

 

Iggy’s brother. Mickey.

 

Ian just couldn’t shake the feeling that yesterday wasn’t their first meeting.

 

It was as if he had seen his face before, but Ian had no idea where they would have met.

 

Besides, Mickey had said no.

 

That’s what Ian kept telling himself.

 

Mickey had said no, so there was no way.

 

Ian fed Liam the last of the banana and then ran a hand over his own face.

 

Everything was gonna be fine, all he needed to do was get this Mickey out of his head.

 

Well, that would turn out to be easier said than done.

 

 

Fiona knocked on the Rodrigues door and Dean’s mother opened it, letting them in with a big smile.

 

”Glad you could make it”

 

Ian smiled politely but quickly walked away from her and his family to go find his best friend.

 

Ian found Dean sitting on the stairs in the middle of the room, dressed in a suit his mom had surely forced him into.

 

”You look really handsome, Eugene” Ian grinned and Dean flipped him off, taking a big gulp of the beer in his hand.

 

”Fuck you, man”

 

They both chuckled and Ian turned around, eyes wandering over the crowd to see if there was anybody he knew here.

 

He knew _of_ everyone he saw, but not more than he was able to put the name with the face.

 

”Your family here?” Ian nodded and gestured towards the front door.

 

”Where’d you get that?” Ian asked, eyes on the can of beer that his best friend was holding. Dean grinned and stood up, walking into the kitchen, Ian following.

 

”Have you talked to your boyfriend yet?” Dean asked once they both had two full beers in their hands.

 

Ian shrugged.

 

”Yeah, he explained shit, but I don’t know. I like him, so fucking much but…” Ian trailed off. ”There’s just something…”

 

”You think he’s lying?”

 

”No” Ian said. ”I don’t. I just… he said his brother was this bad guy who liked to ruin lives and that… that wasn’t who I met. I don’t think he’s lying, I just think maybe… Forget it”

 

Dean studied Ian’s face for a while before finally sighing.

 

”Look, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you and the Milkovich brothers, but figure it out. And remember that you’re naive as fuck. If Iggy said his brother is a bad person, it’s probably true. Trust your boyfriend, alright? That’s all I can say”

 

Ian sighed and nodded.

 

”I know. I know”

 

 

A few minutes later, Ian and Dean were on their way to exit the kitchen, but Ian stopped dead in his tracks, making Dean turn around and raise an eyebrow.

 

”What’s up?”

 

Ian nodded his head towards Iggy.

 

And _Mickey._

 

”What the fuck are they doing here?”

 

 ”They’re the Milkovich’s, apparently their last name is pretty big here. I never heard it before I met Iggy but my mother invited them” Ian nodded.

 

”I should probably go say hello” Dean nodded.

 

”Holler if you need me”

 

And then he was gone.

 

Ian made his way up to the brothers and placed a hand on Iggy’s back.

 

”Hey”

 

”Hey” Iggy smiled, greeting Ian with a kiss to his lips.

 

”Hey, Mickey” Ian said once they had pulled apart.

 

 

Mickey put on his best smile and greeted Ian. It shouldn’t be this fucking hard.

 

He shouldn’t be feeling these fucking things.

 

They met once, years and years ago and Ian didn’t even remember it.

 

Mickey had no right what so ever to be crushing on his brother’s boyfriend, and yet here he was. heart beating faster and harder than ever.

 

Mickey kept his shoulders squared, and smirk plastered onto his face as the three began talking amongst themselves.

 

Mickey knew how he looked.

 

He looked confident, strong.

 

But that wasn’t how he was feeling at all.

 

He wished he could help the burning, throbbing feeling in his chest when Ian’s lips met Iggy’s for the second time, but he couldn’t.

 

And the worst part was, he couldn’t do a single fucking thing about it.

 

”So anyway…” Iggy said, wrapping an arm around Ian’s waist. ”We should probably get some of the food, see you at home, Mick”

 

Mickey forced the edges of his mouth upwards, but it looked like anything but a smile.

 

 

About an hour later, Mickey found Ian alone on the stairs, nursing a beer.

 

He hesitated for about half a second before rolling his shoulders back and sitting down next to him.

 

”You go to this every year?”

 

Ian turned his head to look at him, making eye contact for a moment before shrugging and going back to looking at the top of his beer.

 

”Yeah, their son’s my best friend, so we’re always invited” Ian explained.

 

”It’s kind of boring, actually”

 

Ian chuckled at Mickey’s comment and nodded.

 

”Yeah, I guess”

 

Then he turned his head to look at Mickey again, opening and closing his mouth a few times as if he was trying to figure out what he should say.

 

”Iggy told me, about your family”

 

Mickey raised an eyebrow, the smirk falling off of his face for a second.

 

”Everything?”

 

Ian shrugged and shook his head at the same time.

 

”I don’t think so” Ian said. ”But he told me that he didn’t want me to meet you because you ruin people’s lives” Ian raised an eyebrow.

 

Why he was giving this man an opportunity to set the record straight and assure him that he was a good person, he didn’t know.

 

There was just a small part of him that felt like maybe Mickey wasn’t such a bad person after all.

 

And he knew it was a bad idea, he knew he was naive.

 

He couldn’t help it, though.

 

Something in between a smirk and a teasing smile grew onto Mickey’s lips.

 

”Well, that’s not true”

 

All emotion was immediately dropped from Ian’s face.

 

It couldn’t be.

 

Ian had almost erased it from his memory, it was such a long time ago.

 

 

_”I don’t know what I want”_

 

_”Well, that’s not true. You want what everybody wants”_

 

_”What’s that, mysterious stranger who has all the answers?”_

 

_”Nah. You want adventure, a life worth telling about. Maybe even a little danger”_

 

 

”It was you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Ian/Mickey happens, the sex scenes will actually be smut. But as far as Ian/Iggy goes, I'm just letting you know what they're doing and not going further because I don't really wanna write smut between them, and I doubt any of you would be too happy reading it, so...
> 
> This is so different from anything I've really written before, so feedback is very welcome.
> 
> Hope all of you have an amazing day :) xo


	3. If I'm Gonna Feel Guilty About Something, I'm Gonna Feel Guilty About This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”I’m not lying. I spend a lot of nights feeling guilty”
> 
> ”Guilty for what?” Ian asked, not sure if he was ready for an answer.
> 
> ”For wanting what I want” Mickey confessed.

Mickey blinked at Ian a few times before looking down at the floor, thumbing his bottom lip.

 

”It was you, wasn’t it? You remembered, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me when I asked?” Ian asked all of the questions in one breath, and yet they were barely a tenth of the questions he wanted answers to.

 

Ian fucking knew it.

 

He fucking knew he had seen this guy before, that he had felt his… energy. The arrogance.

 

Did Iggy know? What the fuck was the big deal?

 

If Mickey remembered, then why hadn’t he told him?

 

It was just a quick conversation with a stranger years ago, and yet Ian was upset.

 

Why, he was yet to figure out.

 

Mickey finally looked up.

 

”Look, I don’t know, alright? You didn’t remember, so I didn’t see a reason to remind you”

 

”But I asked. I obviously wanted to know. Why did you lie? Maybe Iggy was right about you, you just wanna mess with people’s minds” Ian shook his head, feeling disappointed for some reason.

 

Like he had really wanted Mickey to turn out to be a good guy.

 

”Yeah. I’m not the good guy, remember? Iggy is. You already knew that”

 

With those words, Mickey stood up and walked away, leaving Ian on the stairs, if possible even more confused than before.

 

Mickey walked out of the house, down the cement stairs and away from the huge Rodrigues courtyard.

 

He abandoned the car and continued into the woods.

 

How the fuck could he have been this stupid?

 

Ian was with Iggy, and he always would be.

 

Mickey would love to say that this is the first time he had been crushing on his brother’s boyfriend, but it wasn’t.

 

It had happened before, and it probably would happen again at some point.

 

Mickey hated the feeling he got when he was next to Ian.

 

It was as if he didn’t want to be this person anymore, the mean one. Mickey knew he was a douchebag to his siblings, and most people nowadays.

 

If he was honest, he just didn’t know a better way to… cope.

 

Pushing people away and making them hate him, it was… easy.

 

He had been doing it his entire life more or less. So why didn’t he want to?

 

When he was next to Ian, he wanted to smile.

 

He wanted to be liked, he wanted to… well, he didn’t want to be an asshole anymore.

 

Mickey stopped and looked down at the rock.

 

”Hey, sis” Mickey bit the inside of his cheek to keep from shedding a tear.

 

It was all his fault.

 

His siblings splitting, him being an asshole… Mandy’s death.

 

It was all Mickey’s fault and he wanted so bad to get rid of this dark feeling in his chest, the one that made him want to ruin people’s lives.

 

Maybe that was what scared him.

 

The fact that Ian was the only thing that made him feel a little bit better, and he couldn’t have him.

 

Then again, Mickey deserved to suffer.

 

 

**Chicago 2009**

 

_”Yo, douchebag! I’m heading out, you coming?”_

 

_”Nah” Mickey said from the couch, not ripping his eyes away from the television screen._

 

_”Awe, come on, Mick” Mandy begged, throwing herself on the couch next to her brother. ”Pleaseee” She said, dragging out the word. ”You’ve been inside for days, aren’t we supposed to be out celebrating the fact that Terry croaked?”_

 

_Mickey turned his head to look at her, raising an eyebrow._

 

_”Mickey! Are you coming back to bed?” Chase yelled from his bedroom. ”Me and Jake are gonna start without you!”_

 

_”Oh, I’m celebrating” Mickey turned to his sister who had a disgusted look on her face._

 

_”A threesome, really?” Mickey shrugged._

 

_”Actually I think there might be a fourth one somewhere”_

 

_”I hate you”_

 

_”And yet you fucking love me” He pointed out._

 

_”Whatever, man. I’m heading out” Mickey waved her off and as soon as she closed the door, he dropped his sweatpants and headed into his room._

 

 

_”Yes! Ugh. Ugh, fucking fuck me!” Mickey yelled as loud as he possibly could just to spite his father wherever he was._

 

_The guy behind him obeyed, stabbing his prostate as fast and as hard as he managed, as the guy in front of him resumed fucking his throat when Mickey was done shouting out for the moment being._

 

_Mickey felt himself nearing the edge, but just as he was about to shoot, his phone rang, completely shattering the moment._

 

_The guys pulled out of him and Jake handed him his phone as he was too fucked out to stand up._

 

_”The fuck you want?” Mickey sighed at his sister as Chase turned him over, swallowing his cock, making Mickey bite back a loud moan._

 

_”Hello, do you know a Mandy Milkovich?” An unfamiliar woman said through the receiver._

 

_”Yes, this is her phone. I’m her brother, who the fuck are you?” Mickey breathed, tugging on Chase’s hair as Jake jerked his own cock at the sight._

 

_”There was a bashing…”_

 

_The lady kept talking, but Mickey didn’t hear a word after those four._

 

_He shoved the guys off of him and stood up, tugging his sweatpants back on along with an old t shirt._

 

_The rest of the night was a blur filled with cop cars, ambulances and body bags._

 

_And just like that, Mickey’s life was shattered._

 

 

”I hate you for not being here” Mickey mumbled, sitting down on the grass. ”You should be. You should be here to help me. I need you, Mands. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing”

 

 

”Hey” Ian whispered, pulling Iggy to him and away from whatever man he was talking to.

 

”Hey” Iggy smiled, pecking his lips quickly. ”Are you okay? I saw you talking to my brother, are you gonna be okay?” Iggy teased, and Ian chuckled at that.

 

”I’m fine, listen, can we get out of here? I need to talk to you about something and I don’t wanna do it here”

 

Iggy got a slightly panicked look on his face and Ian immediately shook his head.

 

”I’m not breaking up with you” He stated and Iggy nodded.

 

”Sorry, I got worried” Ian let out another chuckle and shook his head before capturing Iggy’s lips in a less than innocent kiss, holding it for a few seconds before pulling apart.

 

”No, that’s not it. But there is something, can we just…” Ian nodded his head towards the front door and Iggy nodded.

 

”Yeah, of course” Ian walked up to Fiona and tapped her shoulder.

 

”I’m gonna head home with Iggy, we have some stuff we need to work out” He half lied.

 

He really just wanted answers to all of this shit.

 

”I’ll see you later?”

 

”Yeah, of course. Just say goodbye to Dean, he was asking for you a couple minutes ago” Ian nodded.

 

”I will, see you at home” 

 

”You ready to go?” Iggy came up to him and asked, but Ian shook his head.

 

”I’m just gonna go say goodbye to Dean, you can head out to the car if you want to” Iggy nodded and pecked Ian’s lips.

 

”Okay”

 

Ian wandered around the house for a minute or two before he finally found his friend on the bed in his room, highlighting words inside of a textbook.

 

”Homework? Today? Really, Eugene?”

 

Dean looked up at him, slamming the heavy book shut and standing up.

 

”You’re not funny, man” Ian shrugged. It was funny to him.

 

”Me and Iggy are gonna head out of here. I got some stuff to talk to him about”

 

”Like what? This got to do with his brother? I saw you talking to Mickey earlier” Ian nodded and sat down on the edge of Dean’s bed.

 

”Remember that fall in two thousand and eleven right before mom died? When were all feeling terrible?” Dean nodded.

 

”Yeah, you guys were going through hell”

 

”And remember that night when I just got out of there and started walking, and then I met that random hot stranger?” Dean nodded.

 

”It was Mickey”

 

 ”What the fuck?!” Dean yelled so loudly the people downstairs probably heard it.

 

”Yeah, I know. I didn’t remember at first, but now I do. And I think he did remember so now everything is awkward”

 

”Why is it awkward?” Ian thought about it for a second before shrugging.

 

”Not awkward, I guess. But maybe… confusing? Why didn’t he tell me? I even fucking asked him, remember? I knew I had seen his stupid face somewhere” Ian muttered.

 

”Agitated much?” Dean teased and Ian flipped him off.

 

”I’m just… I don’t know. I’m gonna talk to Iggy, try to figure this shit out” Dean nodded.

 

”Good idea” He said as Ian stood up.

 

”See you tomorrow?”

 

”Yeah, see you”

 

 

”Hey, what took you so long?” Iggy greeted Ian with a kiss when he got into the passenger seat of his own car.

 

”I had something to talk to him about. We going to your place or mine?” Ian asked, not wanting to get into the subject of Mickey until they were inside and could really talk.

 

”We can go to mine” Iggy said. ”It’s closest” Ian nodded.

 

”Okay, let’s go”

 

 

A few minutes later, they entered the Milkovich house, and Ian kept a gasp in. He figured he would probably never get used to this place.

 

”What did you wanna talk about?” Iggy asked, sitting down on the couch and pulling Ian down next to him.

 

Ian kept his gaze on the lit fireplace and cuddled closer to Iggy, pressing a kiss to his temple.

 

Iggy smiled and then raised his eyebrows at Ian is if to say; _’Speak. Tell me.’_

 

”I met Mickey before” Ian started and Iggy tilted his head, silently asking Ian to elaborate. ”It was back in two thousand and eleven, it was really quickly, we didn’t even exchange names”

 

”You slept with him?” Iggy asked and Ian shook his head.

 

”No! No! I just… it was a quick conversation, barely five minutes”

 

”Alright… and why did you need to tell me this?” Iggy asked, not to be rude, but just because he just didn’t understand what the big deal was.

 

”I just… I didn’t recognize him when I saw him yesterday. I mean, I did, sort of… but I didn’t know where from. So I asked him and he said we had never met before, but today I found out that he did remember…” Ian finished. ”I guess I wanna talk to you about this shit, just because… when you said your brother was a bad guy, I didn’t really believe you…”

 

”You do now?” Ian nodded.

 

”It wasn’t a big deal but he still had no reason to lie to me, the only reason he did was to screw with my head. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, Iggy. You don’t deserve me doubting you”

 

Iggy’s lips formed a small smile and he pulled Ian closer to him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

 

”There’s some things you don’t know, Ian” Ian got more comfortable in Iggy’s arms and laced their fingers together.

 

”About your brother?” Ian felt Iggy nodding.

 

”About Mickey, about me. About all of us”

 

”You wanna tell me?” Ian asked, not wanting to pry.

 

Iggy took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

 

”We’re all boys, you know that. And you know that our father was a piece of shit and that he’s dead”

 

”Yeah” Ian confirmed.

 

”We used to have a sister” Ian frowned, but Iggy didn’t see as Ian was in his lap with his back turned.

 

”Used to?”

 

”Mhm” Iggy said. ”Mandy”

 

”What happened to her?” Ian asked carefully, figuring that Iggy wouldn’t have brought it up if he didn’t feel comfortable talking about it.

 

”Murdered. Got her skull bashed in by some guy she was with”

 

Ian moved from Iggy’s lap so that he could look him in the eyes.

 

”What?” He whispered, barely audible. Iggy nodded.

 

”Yeah. Mickey got the call, and he called me, we went down to the scene” Iggy shrugged. ”So much fucking blood, I don’t even know…” Iggy trailed off. ”It was back in two thousand and nine, and of course I miss her, but… Mickey…”

 

Iggy let out a tired chuckle.

 

”He just fucking cracked. They depended so much on each other so when one day she wasn’t there anymore, he just…”

 

”Became the person he is today” Ian finished and Iggy nodded.

 

”We thought it was a grieving period. That he would be back to normal in a few months, or a year, but… Two thousand and nine, Ian. It’s two thousand and fifteen now. It’s more than half a decade. So yeah, maybe he’s not a bad person all the way through, and the fact that you saw that in one of the many reasons I love you. But I have given him countless chances to change, I want the old Mickey back, but eventually I had to realize that…” Iggy trailed off, shrugging again. ”It’s just not gonna happen. Losing Mandy changed Mickey in ways that I don’t even understand, but I have accepted it. I had to”

 

Ian sighed and nodded, wiping a few tears away from his own face before laying down on top of Iggy and kissing his jawline.

 

”Holy fuck” Iggy kissed the top of his head.

 

”It’s okay”

 

”Iggy?”

 

”Hm?”

 

”You said you loved me”

 

”I did? Fuck. I should have saved that for a better time, shouldn’t I?”

 

Ian lifted his head off of Iggy’s chest and it only took a moment before both of their faces lit up with grins.

 

”You serious?” Iggy nodded. ”Yeah. I am. I do. I love you, Ian”

 

Ian grinned and smashed their lips together, enjoying the way Iggy was pulling them closer together, massaging his tongue with his own.

 

Ian sucked on Iggy’s bottom lip, letting it go with a plop before going back in for more. He couldn’t imagine ever getting tired of this.

 

”Fuck. I love you, too”

 

 

An hour later, they were still laying tangled together on the couch, except Iggy had since long fallen asleep.

 

Ian had a feeling there was still a lot of things that he didn’t know about the Milkovich family, but he pushed those thoughts out of his head.

 

He wasn’t sure he could handle more tonight.

 

It felt good to have this, he thought when he studied Iggy’s relaxed face. He and Iggy were together, stable and they loved each other.

 

Everything was perfect.

 

So why the fuck did Ian have that tiny little annoying nagging feeling in his chest that said that there was something missing?

 

He loved Iggy, he knew that. He was _in love_ with Iggy, wasn’t he?

 

Yes, he was, he decided.

 

Any other possibility was just too tough to deal with right now.

 

 

Ian carefully got up from the couch, making sure not to wake his boyfriend up from his deep slumber.

 

When he was successfully standing up in the middle of the livingroom, he started walking towards the front door, but a soft voice stopped him.

 

”Hey” Ian turned around to face Mickey.

 

He hadn’t noticed he had come home, but he figured he had dozed off next to Iggy at some point.

 

”Hey. Iggy’s sleeping…” Ian told Mickey, gesturing towards the couch.

 

Mickey nodded.

 

”You going home?”

 

”Yeah” Ian said, wondering why this conversation was so soft, so… natural.

 

They looked at each other for a second before Ian opened his mouth.

 

”I’m sorry” He said. ”About Mandy”

 

Mickey’s face fell and he nodded once.

 

”He told you about that?”

 

”Yeah”

 

”It was a long time ago” Mickey said.

 

”Yeah” Ian said, deciding not to push it. ”I’m gonna go before my sister worries, see you around”

 

”Yeah, see you” Mickey said.

 

When the door slammed behind Ian, Mickey ran his hands over his face, trying to keep the tears in.

 

 

Ian drove home in the rain, trying not to swerve off of the road.

 

His mind was so fucking packed with everything.

 

Himself, Iggy, Mickey, just… all of it.

 

His mind was buzzing, both in a good way and in a very confusing way.

 

Iggy’s voice was like an echo inside of his head.

 

” _I love you, Ian_ ”

 

Despite how all over the place Ian was, it made him smile.

 

He loved Iggy and hearing the words back was… amazing. He’d never had that before.

 

Something this perfect.

 

He loved Iggy. Iggy loved him.

 

They were together.

 

Everything was supposed to be great.

 

Everything _was_ great, and that voice inside of Ian’s brain that told him he was destined to meet Iggy just so that he could meet Mickey could just shut the fuck up.

 

 

Ian’s head kept spinning as he drove through the rain, wanting to get home as soon as possible so that he could lay down and get some sleep.

 

Try to figure all of this out some other time.

 

”Hey, monkey” Fiona greeted him with a smile as soon as he entered the door. ”Did everything go well?” Ian nodded.

 

”Everything’s fine, Fi. Thanks”

 

”You don’t look too happy” She noted.

 

Ian sighed.

 

She had obviously waited up for him because the house was completely quiet.

 

Maybe he did need to talk to somebody about this.

 

It was the perfect opportunity.

 

And sure, he could call Dean but sometimes a sister was different. He bit his lip as he thought about telling her.

 

Fiona knew the signs.

 

”Come on. Let’s get some tea” Ian sighed and toed his shoes off, throwing his jacket onto the couch and following Fiona into the kitchen and sitting down.

 

Fiona turned the water on to heat up, taking two cups out of the cupboard and putting them on the bench.

 

”So what’s going on?” She asked, sitting down in front of Ian. Ian took another deep breath, trying to figure out how much he should tell her.

 

He did need help with this, it was something he just couldn’t seem to get straight, and it was bothering the hell out of him.

 

”Well…” He started. ”Everything is great with Iggy. He told me he loved me today, and… I said it back”

 

Fiona nodded, looking as if she really soaked the words up so that she could help.

 

”Do you feel it?” Ian nodded.

 

”I think so, yeah. But… Never mind” He sighed, running his hands over his face and through his wet strands of hair.

 

”No, tell me” Fiona said, getting up and pouring the tea, before sitting back down and pushing one of the cups in front of Ian. He accepted it gratefully.

 

”I think…” Ian took a sip of the too hot tea to buy a few more seconds. ”What if… he’s not the only one that I might… you know… sort of like?” Ian finally spit out.

 

Fiona tilted her head to the side, studying her brother’s face.

 

”You like someone else, kiddo?”

 

”I don’t fucking know, that’s what’s so confusing” Ian said.

 

Fiona nodded again, taking a big sip of her tea as she thought his words over.

 

”Did something happen with this other guy?” Ian shook his head.

 

”Not a thing, we haven’t even talked that much, but I just… I don’t know” Ian scratched the back of his neck.

 

”Anyone I know?” Ian shook his head again.

 

”No” He half lied.

 

Ian didn’t feel the need to tell her that the other guy he may sort of like was Iggy’s brother, she didn’t need to know that and quite frankly, Ian wasn’t even sure that was the case.

 

When he and Iggy had left the Rodrigues party only hours ago, Ian had felt completely certain that Iggy was right.

 

Mickey was an asshole and nothing more.

 

But after what Iggy had told him about their past, and his little encounter with Mickey right before he had left the Milkovich house… His opinion of him just kind of… changed? Shifted? Fuck if he knew.

 

It felt really unfair, too.

 

Because Iggy was practically Ian’s dream guy.

 

He had everything.

 

The looks, the humor, the kindness.

 

And yet, here Ian was.

 

Confused as fuck whether they should be together or not.

 

”What’s going on in there?” Fiona asked, nodding to Ian’s head. Ian sighed, taking another big sip of his tea.

 

”I just… I’m gonna try to forget about this, Fi. It’s for the best. I love Iggy, I shouldn’t be having these thoughts”

 

”You can’t help who you crush on, Ian”

 

”I know, but nothing will ever happen. I love Iggy” He repeated, not sure who he was trying to convince. ”I love him, and I would regret it forever if I broke it off for a stupid crush that will be gone in a month”

 

”You sure, monkey?”

 

”Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure” Ian said, finishing his tea off.

 

”I’m gonna head to bed. Thanks, Fiona” He said, standing up and giving her a warm hug from the side.

 

”No problem, Ian. Glad I could help”

 

She watched her brother head up to his room, a feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t quite place.

 

 

Ian walked into school a week later, desperate to talk to Dean.

 

The past week had consisted of going to school, having sex with Iggy, and as much as he wasn’t proud of it… trying not to think about the brother of the guy he was having sex with.

 

Needless to day; it was a mess.

 

”Hey” Ian greeted Dean when he got to his locker.

 

”Yo, how’s your weekend been?” Ian shrugged.

 

”So, so. Good, I guess. You?” Dean nodded, slamming his locker shut as they started walking to class.

 

”It’s been good, kind of boring, though. Mom forced me to do so much homework”

 

”If you did the work when it’s assigned to us, you wouldn’t have to spend twelve hours at once with your nose buried in a book” Ian told his best friend, not for the first time.

 

”Yeah, yeah” Dean grumbled as they sat down in the back of the class room. Dean leaned over to whisper to Ian, making sure no one else heard him because he knew what he was about to ask about was a sensitive subject. ”You um… You seen his brother again?” Ian shook his head.

 

”No, not since the night of your family’s party. Thank god”

 

”You figure that shit out yet?”

 

Ian had filled Dean in on the whole Milkovich brothers drama he had going on, but that didn’t mean that his head was screwed on any more straight than it had been a week ago.

 

”No. Don’t think I ever will” Ian sighed.

 

They were quiet after that, and a few minutes later, Iggy entered the classroom, going over to Ian and Dean, greeting Dean with a nod and Ian with a deep kiss.

 

”Hey” He said and Ian couldn’t help but smile.

 

Just because he was having these confusing feelings about Mickey, that didn’t mean that his feelings for Iggy had in any way lessened, or disappeared.

 

And in some ways, he wished that that would happen, because it would make everything so much easier, more clear.

 

But as it was, all Ian could do was answer Iggy’s ’ _I love you_ ’ with an ’ _I love you more_ ’.

 

 

When school was out, Ian followed Iggy out to his car and Iggy began driving them to the Milkovich house.

 

As soon as they entered the house, Iggy was on him, kissing his neck, and sucking on his collarbone as they made their way up to the bedroom.

 

Right as they were on the bed, both in their boxers, Iggy pulled away with a weird look on his face.

 

”What’s up?” Ian asked, confused, but Iggy just shook his head, heading to the connected bathroom and it didn’t take many seconds before Ian heard the sounds of somebody puking their guts out.

 

Ian sighed, his boner immediately falling.

 

He threw his t shirt back on and headed into the bathroom.

 

He sat down next to Iggy and put a hand onto his back.

 

Ten minutes later, Iggy was tucked into his bed with a glass of water on the nightstand.

 

”I’m sorry” He said, but Ian just chuckled.

 

”Babe, you’re sick. Don’t apologize” Iggy nodded, and Ian got in next to him, massaging his arm absentmindedly.

 

They lay there for a while, until Ian’s phone disturbs the silence.

 

 **Fiona:** _Ian, where are you? I thought you were gonna be home early today. Kev’s birthday, remember??_

 

”Fuck” Ian sighed, running a hand over his face.

 

”What?” Iggy asked, not opening his eyes.

 

”Fiona needs me. Are you gonna be okay?”

 

”Yeah, yeah. Go. I’m a grown man. I have been sick before”

 

”Okay” Ian said, pressing a kiss to Iggy’s cheek. ”I love you”

 

”I love you”

 

Ian exited the room, sending a quick text back to Fiona, telling her that he was on his way back.

 

However, when he got down to the living room, he ran into somebody that he had successfully avoided for the past week.

 

”Hey…” Ian greeted Mickey slowly.

 

Mickey raised his glass of bourbon to him before taking a sip.

 

”Iggy’s pretty sick. I know you guys don’t get along too well, but you still might wanna check on him in a while, I gotta get home” Ian explained and Mickey nodded.

 

”Alright, I will” He said, the awkward tension not going unnoticed by either of them.

 

How the fuck did they get to this?

 

They hadn’t even spoken that many times and yet you could cut the air with a knife.

 

Ian fished his phone out of his pocket when it beeped again.

 

 **Fiona:** _Great. Could you remind Iggy about the assignment he promised to help Debbie with? It’s due the day after tomorrow._

 

Ian groaned and Mickey frowned.

 

”What?” Ian shook his head, taking one step closer to Mickey, but they were still practically on opposite ends of the room.

 

”Nah, nothing. My little sister had this school project, they were supposed to pick a family they knew and write about their history. She picked Iggy’s family, so he was gonna help her but it’s due soon, there’s no way he’s gonna be able to help her. He’s sick as fuck”

 

Ian ran a hand over his face before looking to Mickey, who’s brows were furrowed.

 

Ian really did not want to do this, but he also didn’t wanna disappoint his sister, and this was the only solution he could think of.

 

”Look… you don’t think you could maybe help her? It’s not much. Just a few questions” Mickey sighed and Ian had some hope.

 

That was, until he promptly shook his head.

 

”Nah, man. Sorry. Don’t think so”

 

Ian’s lips formed a straight line and he nodded curtly.

 

”Alright, well then” He said, exiting the door.

 

Why the fuck had he expected anything else but selfishness from that boy?

 

 _”I’m not the good guy, remember?”_ He had said once.

 

Maybe it was true after all.

 

 

Mickey heard the door slam and ran a hand over his face.

 

He knew Ian thought he was an asshole for refusing to help his sister, but Mickey knew it had been the right thing.

 

He couldn’t possibly spend time in that house with those people, with Ian, knowing that Iggy got him, and Mickey never would.

 

The best thing for everyone was if Mickey just stayed away.

 

Things never worked out how he wanted them to anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

 

Ian could gladly think of him as as asshole, as long as he didn’t get too close.

 

If they got too close, Mickey may very well do something stupid.

 

 

Kev’s birthday party was in full swing, but Ian just sat on the couch, sipping a bottle of the cheap beer Veronica had brought.

 

Ian didn’t know why he felt like this, it was stupid.

 

But it was as if the more Ian tried to get Mickey out of his head, the more he came back in.

 

Mickey occupied way more of the space in Ian’s brain than he was willing to admit, and it wasn’t fucking fair.

 

It wasn’t fair to any of the people involved.

 

Ian’s train of thought was thrown off track when his phone buzzed with a text from Iggy.

 

 **Iggy:** _Sorry you didn’t get to fuck my brains out tonight_

 

A grin made it’s way onto Ian’s face.

 

**Ian:** _I can fuck your brains out when you’re better._

 

 **Ian:** _But we’re not sexting now. You’re sick._

 

 **Iggy:** _Fuck, alright._

 

 **Iggy:** _I love you_

 

 **Ian:** _I love you_

 

 

Ian shoved the phone into his pocket, and for once, his mind was on his boyfriend and not his boyfriend’s brother.

 

 

The next night, the Gallaghers were sitting around the kitchen table eating the lasagna that Fiona had stolen from one of her jobs when there was a knock on the door.

 

Ian took a sip of his water before standing up.

 

”I’ll get it”

 

Ian walked through the house and opened the door, revealing the last person he had expected to see.

 

”Mickey?” Mickey lifted a shoulder.

 

”You said your sister needed help with that school thing or whatever, right?” Ian forced himself not to smile.

 

”Yeah, but… you said no”

 

”Can’t a guy change his mind” Ian nodded as he opened the door wider, letting Mickey in.

 

Mickey entered the living room, and Ian closed the door behind them, more confused than ever.

 

”Debs!” Ian called, joining Mickey in the living room.

 

As badly as he tried not to, Ian admired Mickey’s cheekbones, and the way his chapped lips were the perfect shade of pink.

 

Fuck. No.

 

Ian forced himself to snap out of it just as his sister came out of the kitchen.

 

”Yeah?”

 

”Remember Mickey? Iggy’s brother?” Debbie nodded.

 

”Hey, Mickey”

 

”I told him about your project, and since Iggy’s too sick, Mickey thought he could help you” Ian explained.

 

He knew Debbie had been freaked out when she heard Iggy was too sick to help her, she had really been counting on it.

 

She looked as if she was contemplating it before finally nodding.

 

”Alright, let me get my books” She said, running up the stairs.

 

 

Two hours later, the house was quiet and Ian and Mickey went out onto the porch.

 

Ian looked out over the dark street, eyes settling onto a flickering streetlight.

 

”I don’t know what the hell changed your mind, but thanks for helping her” Ian said, turning to Mickey.

 

”Yeah, no problem. Sweet kid” Ian nodded.

 

”I’m sorry if what I said about your sister bothered you” He said then, not knowing that was something he had been thinking about until the words were out of his mouth.

 

”You didn’t say anything, man” Mickey said. ”It’s just… still kinda hard, you know?” Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah, our mom died a while ago. She brought us a lot of pain, but it’s still…” Ian trailed off.

 

”Yeah” Mickey sighed, sitting down on the wooden stairs.

 

It only took a second before Ian joined, sitting right next to him.

 

”How much did my brother tell you about Mandy?” Ian shrugged.

 

”He said that she was murdered, and that you took it harder than anybody else” He answered cautiously.

 

”Yeah, I guess I did” Mickey chuckled, but there was nothing cheerful about the sound. ”It was all my fault” He said, looking straight ahead.

 

”What?” Ian said, furrowing his brows.

 

Mickey took a deep breath.

 

”She um… It was right after our dad croaked, she wanted to go out and celebrate. I was just… I was fucking a couple guys that night, figured no better way to spite the old man than to have a fuckfest in the house he lived in, right?”

 

Ian turned his head to looked at Mickey, waiting for him to continue.

 

”She wanted me to come with her, but I said, no, no, no” Mickey let out another sad chuckle. ”If I had gone out with her, then I would have been able to protect her, and she’d still be…here” He finished with a breath.

 

”Or you’d both be dead” Ian couldn’t help but point out. Mickey shrugged.

 

”Guess we’ll never find out. I saw her, you know. The body” Mickey ran a hand over his face. ”She was cut up, beaten to a bloody pulp, I didn’t even recognize her until they washed her off and had us identify her body”

 

Ian wiped away a tear from his own face.

 

”I’m sorry, Mick” Mickey tilted his head at the nickname and stood up.

 

”S’okay” He lied. ”I’ve had years to think it over”

 

Ian stood up as well, and realized maybe they were standing a tad too close.

 

”You’re good for Iggy” Mickey said. ”I’m happy for you”

 

”Mick” Ian whispered barely audible.

 

”I’m not lying. I spend a lot of nights feeling guilty”

 

”Guilty for what?” Ian asked, not sure if he was ready for an answer.

 

”For wanting what I want” Mickey confessed.

 

”Mick” Ian whispered again, not sure what else to say.

 

”Yeah, I know. Brother’s guy and all” A small, sad smile found it’s way onto Mickey’s face. ”See you around”

 

Ian breathed out, but Mickey only made it halfway down the stairs before he stopped.

 

”No!” Ian turned his head to look at him, just as he turned around. ”No, you know what? If I’m gonna feel guilty about something, I’m gonna feel guilty about this”

 

That was all the warning Ian got before Mickey took the two steps up to Ian and put his hand on the side of his neck, pressing their lips together.

 

Ian was too shocked to push him away, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

 

His mouth opened slightly and soon their tongues were sliding over each other softly.

 

The buzzing in his stomach he got when Iggy kissed him was nothing to the wild forest fire that had started up right when Mickey’s hand had reached his neck.

 

Too soon, Mickey pulled away, eyes wandering over Ian’s face.

 

”Goodnight” He said, walking down the wooden steps, away from the porch.

 

And leaving a very confused Ian behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops... it happened.


	4. You (One Year, Three Weeks, Five Days)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”You’re in love with my brother. You can’t help that, don’t be sorry”

**One year later**

 

Ian zipped his jeans up and grabbed a shirt that was laying on the floor, smelled it and shrugged. It probably wasn’t clean, but no one in their neighborhood ever cared anyway.

 

Ian pulled the shirt over his head and then went downstairs.

 

Fiona handed him a plate of pancakes and he went to sit by the kitchen table.

 

No one said anything. Nothing had happened, it was just that every single one of the Gallaghers had their own thing going on, so they had their morning routine run smoothly, but other than that they never really paid much attention to one another, and Ian didn’t mind.

 

The past year had been pretty good, if he was honest. Dean flunked out, so he was a year beneath Ian now, but they still saw each other and hung out almost every day. Debbie had started boxing and Carl… well, no one really knew but Ian guessed that wherever he went during the days, it wasn’t school and it wasn’t legal.

 

Alas, if anyone could defend themselves it was Carl Gallagher.

 

Ian and Iggy were great, too. Stable.

 

Looking back at whatever attraction Ian had felt for Mickey all those months ago, it was almost laughable. Iggy was amazing, and Ian would be an absolute idiot to throw that away, at least that’s what he told himself at night. If he were to be truly honest, he felt a little shaky in the love department.

 

Ian and Mickey had never talked about that kiss, or done anything remotely similar to what happened on that porch a year ago, and Ian was glad. Although, Ian would be lying if he said that he had never thought about that kiss, how Mickey’s lips molded to his in a way that Iggy’s never had.

 

But despite how many times Ian was forced to push the thought out of his head, he knew that this was for the best.

 

Sure, there were the lingering stares, and once in a while, Ian would shoot Mickey one of those sad ’ _I’m sorry it’s this way_ ’ smiles, but other than that, Mickey was simply Ian’s boyfriend’s brother.

 

It had gone pretty smoothly over the past year, but for some reason, the past few weeks, maybe the past month, everything had gone to shit. Ian had started looking at Mickey more, and whenever they spoke, he had to force himself not to stare at his lips.

 

Whenever Ian was fucking Iggy, Mickey even sometimes popped into his head and Ian knew that it wasn’t fair.

 

Never the less, he hadn’t told anybody about this, not even Dean.

 

Ian was ripped out of his thoughts by a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to face his brother.

 

”Are you coming to my game? Fiona can’t go” Ian ran a hand over his face and nodded.

 

”Your team always sucks, but of course I’ll be there, bud” Carl seemed pleased with that answer.

 

”Is Dean coming?”

 

”You want him to?”

 

Ian knew that Carl liked Dean, not just Carl, but the whole family did. He was like an extra big brother, and Ian was really happy that he had been able to find a friend like that.

 

Sometimes he thought about what it would be like to have someone like that as a boyfriend. Not that he had ever had any romantic feelings for Dean or ever would, but just someone that his family loved as much as they loved Dean.

 

Someone that Ian loved as much as he loved Dean, only less platonic.

 

Ian loved Iggy, and in a way, the rest of the Gallaghers really liked him, too. There had never been a problem with him. It just felt… Ian didn’t know how to explain it.

 

It had been a good year, he wasn’t lying to himself when he said that. But… it was as if something was missing in his relationship with Iggy, something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

 

The passion, maybe? But they did have some of that.

 

The love? No… it was there.

 

The desire to get married someday and spend your entire lives together? Now, maybe that was closer to home.

 

_Adventure, a live worth telling about. Maybe even a little danger._

 

A voice echoed inside of Ian’s head, but he pushed it out.

 

Not today.

 

No.

 

 

”Is everything cool with Iggy?” Dean asked, leaning over to Ian as they waited for the game to finish.

 

Carl’s team was loosing. Badly.

 

Ian looked at Dean for a second before shrugging. He could never lie to Dean. Dean had known him too long, and he knew him too well. He could always tell when Ian didn’t exactly have his head screwed on straight.

 

”I don’t know” Ian finally sighed and Dean nodded to himself.

 

”You wanna tell me?” Ian blinked at his best friend, trying to come up with an answer.

 

Dean noticed he didn’t say anything, so he put a hand on Ian’s shoulder.

 

”It’s alright, man. I’m here if you do”

 

”Thanks” Ian was about to say something else, but his phone disturbed him. He looked down on it, and then he looked back to Dean.

 

”Iggy?”

 

”Yeah”

 

”Take it. I don’t think your brother’s team is gonna catch up” Ian chuckled and stood up, walking away from the bleachers.

 

”Hey, what’s up?” Ian said as soon as he answered the phone.

 

Five months ago, he would have said ’ _Hey, babe. I miss you_ ’.

 

Things had changed so much and he hadn’t even thought about it. Wow.

 

 _”How’s Carl’s game?”_ Iggy didn’t sound too bothered by it, though.

 

”Losing. The team’s shit” Iggy chuckled on the other end and Ian could picture his smile.

 

_”Listen, can you come over later? I think we need to talk”_

 

 _Okay_ , Ian thought to himself. Every damn person on the planet knows that’s code for ’ _We need to break up_ ’. At least that’s what Ian figured, he barely knew up and down right now and it had gone so fast.

 

Two months ago, everything was amazing. But lately, he had become so confused and so frustrated, and he was an idiot if he thought Iggy wouldn’t have picked up on it.

 

”Yeah, I’ll be there” Ian whispered, not quite sure how and what to feel about it or anything else.

 

_”Alright. Ian?”_

 

”Yeah?” It was quiet for a while before the muffled response came.

 

 _”I love you”_ Ian sighed.

 

”You too” He answered and hoped to god he wasn’t lying.

 

 

An hour later, Ian knocked on the Milkovich door and it didn’t take long before Iggy opened it.

 

Usually they would greet with a kiss, but they didn’t do that this time. They both had a feeling where this was heading anyway, and they wouldn’t be kissing afterwards.

 

”Ian. Hey. Can we sit?” Iggy nodded to the large wooden steps leading up to the porch and Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah” They sat down next to each other on the top step, Ian looking straight ahead at first, but then he turned to look at his boyfriend.

 

”Things have changed so much with us in the past few months, Ian” Ian nodded.

 

”Yeah, I… I know” He answered, his throat feeling awfully tight.

 

”I can’t do this anymore” Ian looked into Iggy’s eyes, and nodded again. ”I can’t kiss you, and hold you and tell you I love you, all the while wondering if you’d rather it was him”

 

Ian was about to object.

 

Tell Iggy that he was wrong, that Ian had never thought about Mickey’s arms instead of Iggy’s, wrapped around his waist in the kitchen in the mornings. But he couldn’t. Ian having feelings for Iggy’s brother was bad enough.

 

Lying about it would just be… no.

 

”He told you?” Ian croaked, but Iggy shook his head with a small smile on his face.

 

”No. He didn’t. But I… I think I always sort of knew” Ian sighed.

 

”I’m sorry” There wasn’t much else to say, they just looked at each other.

 

”You’re in love with my brother. You can’t help that, don’t be sorry”

 

”We kissed” Ian said, catching Iggy’s attention. ”While you and I were together. It was a long time ago, and nothing has been going on. But, I just wanted to tell you. Figure it’s fair” Iggy nodded.

 

”Figured something happened at some point. Don’t worry about it”

 

”So this is it? We agree?” They looked at each other, and Iggy nodded.

 

”Yeah. This is it”

 

”Alright” Ian stood up, and Iggy soon followed. ”I’m gonna go home”

 

”Alright. Celebrate the big loss?” Ian chuckled.

 

”Ah, they actually ended up winning”

 

”You’re kidding!”

 

”Nope, the last minute was intense”

 

They laughed together, and when they started to quiet down, Ian looked Iggy in the eyes.

 

”I don’t wanna lose you. Despite of all the shit that’s gone down… You’re one of my best friends”

 

”Ian, you won’t lose me. We’re cool”

 

”Yeah?”

 

”Yeah”

 

Ian left the Milkovich house with a small smile on his face, somehow feeling like a weight had been lifted.

 

 

Ian went a whole week after that without seeing either of the Milkovich brothers, and maybe that was for the best. The whole breakup thing was still kind of new.

 

But then came the annual Rodrigues party again, and Dean would never forgive Ian if he sat that out and left him alone with ’ _Those pretentious fucking people who don’t have anything other than money to give a fuck about_ ’ and yes, Dean had been especially pissed of when Ian had brought the subject up.

 

So Ian got dressed up in a button up shirt and jeans, and tried to get that one annoying hair to stay on top of his head, but it didn’t work out too well. Man, he missed the buzzcut.

 

Ian finally gave up and ran a hand through it, letting it do whatever the fuck it wanted and then he headed downstairs.

 

While Fiona and Debbie got ready, Ian and Lip occupied themselves with finishing a level of mario cart that Carl had left on. Ian couldn’t quite focus, though. His mind was completely occupied with what was gonna happen today.

 

Sure, it was likely that he would see both Iggy and Mickey, but what the fuck should he do then? Should he go say hello? Or just ignore them? Neither seemed like a good option, so Ian shook it off, figuring he would decide when and if he ran into them.

 

 

As soon as the Gallagher family entered the Rodrigues house, they split, everyone going to find the people they wanted to say hello to. Ian immediately went upstairs to Dean’s room, finding him on his bed with his phone in his hands.

 

”Yo” Ian said, entering the room and closing the door behind him. Dean locked the phone and put it on one of his nightstands, but didn’t say anything until Ian was sitting on the floor.

 

”You good?” Ian hadn’t talked to Dean about the break up beyond telling him about it, and even though his best friend understood, he still wanted to make sure Ian wasn’t too sad about it.

 

Ian shrugged, sighing deeply and Dean knew that was Ian’s sign for ’ _I’m ready to talk about it_ ’.

 

They had known each other for so long that Dean just raised his eyebrows, and Ian knew that it meant ’ _Go ahead, rant. I’ll listen for as long as you want_ ’.

 

Ian ran a hand over his face and then he was off.

 

”I know that breaking up was the right thing, alright? And that we were together for way longer than we should have been, what with whatever the fuck I was feeling for Mickey. But… I don’t know, man. It’s still really fucking confusing” Ian paused and took another deep breath. ”I love Iggy. I’m not in love with him, but I love him, you know, sort of like I love you, but that sounds weird, because I fucked him, oh god, never mind”

 

Dean just sat quietly, letting his friend get all of this out. Sometimes it wasn’t pretty, but someone needed to listen and Dean knew that if it wasn’t him, it probably would end up being Ian’s teddy bear from ten years ago. Or Liam. Neither was very healthy.

 

”But now everything’s weird because we broke up, and we never see each other. And I still have those fucking feelings for Mickey and I just wish they would go away, because he’s Iggy’s brother and it makes everything ten times more awkward and I just can’t fucking…” Ian finished his rant with the loudest groan Dean had ever heard, and it made him chuckle.

 

”Look, man. You don’t have to figure all of it out right now. But maybe you should talk to them. Or one of them. It’s been a whole week, and they know you’re here. If you avoid them now, it’s just gonna end up being more awkward later”

 

Ian looked up at Dean and squinted like a pissed off child.

 

”You’re no fun when you’re right”

 

Dean tilted his head to the side ’ _Come on, man_ ’

 

Ian rolled his eyes ’ _Fine, okay. Jesus christ, I’ll do it_ ’

 

Dean opened his mouth but before he could get a word out, the bedroom door opened, revealing none other than Mickey Milkovich.

 

”Oh, sorry. I was looking for the bathroom” He said, eyes flickering to Ian, and then away. Ian just kept looking at his hands like a pussy.

 

”Straight across” Dean said, and Mickey nodded, walking out of the room and closing the door behind him again.

 

”Here’s your chance” Ian thought about arguing, but instead he just stood up and nodded.

 

He needed to talk to one or both of the Milkovich brothers, there was no denying that. Here was the perfect opportunity.

 

”You coming down later?” Ian asked, hand on the doorknob.

 

”Nah, man. I was down for a bit last year, not doing it anymore. Party’s crazy” Ian snorted.

 

”I’ll come up before I leave”

 

”Alright, see ya” Dean answered, phone in his hands again as Ian exited the room.

 

Right as he closed the door behind him, Mickey exited the bathroom, and they caught each other’s eyes, the awkwardness only lasting for a moment before they smiled at each other.

 

”Haven’t seen you in a while” Mickey said as they started walking side by side, down the stairs and then around the house. It was pretty much completely empty because this year everybody had apparently decided that the weather was too nice to stay inside.

 

”Yeah, well…” Ian said, not continuing.

 

”Iggy told me you guys broke up. I’d say I’m sorry, but I think we both know…” They stopped, standing straight across from each other in the huge, light, empty room. ”I’m not” Mickey finished in a sigh, his body a little bit more tense than usual. Which was something you shouldn’t notice about your ex boyfriend’s brother. Ever.

 

”I know that, Mick” Ian said, feeling a little tense and nervous himself. ”Did he say anything other than that?”

 

”Ah, you know Iggy. Just went on and on about it, wouldn’t shut his fucking trap” Mickey said sarcastically, and Ian nodded.

 

”So he didn’t tell you why we broke up?”

 

”Nope” Mickey said, seemingly relaxing a little bit now that they actually had started talking to each other. ”But I’m sure it has something to do with you acting weird, so… why don’t you tell me?” Mickey said, raising a perfect eyebrow.

 

They locked eyes, Ian’s bottom lip trembling. Not in sadness, but just in nervousness and hesitation.

 

Mickey rolled his shoulders back and tilted his head as he waited for an answer.

 

What Ian was about to say, it could change a lot of things in his life, but he wasn’t sure he would be so against that. It was something he had been holding in for a long time, and he needed to get it out, otherwise he would never be able to move past it.

 

Finally, Ian sighed and just spit it out.

 

”You” Mickey seemed surprised by the simple answer, but not in a bad way.

 

Both of his eyebrows raised, and then they furrowed. It was as if Ian was witnessing Mickey’s brain registering the answer step by step, trying to figure out what the fuck that could mean.

 

Then, a few seconds later, some of the confusion was replaced with a smile.

 

One of those ’ _I can’t fucking believe this is happening to me_ ’ smiles.

 

”You mean…?” Mickey started, taking a small step closer to Ian. Ian nodded twice, slowly.

 

”It took a long fucking time for me to figure it out, but… yeah” Mickey kept the small, meaningful smile on his face and if Ian didn’t know better, he would have sworn his eyes were filled with happy tears. ”I can’t help what I’m feeling, and it wasn’t fair to anybody, so we broke up”

 

Ian took a deep breath, keeping his eyes locked on Mickey’s.

 

”I thought… I thought I fucking messed up that one time. I thought you would never… ever…”

 

”I did. I do” Ian said simply. ”And yeah, you messed me up so fucking badly that time, I didn’t know what the fuck to feel” Ian laughed. ”Everything was just… But now I know. I’m sorry it took this long”

 

Mickey cracked another soft smile, and Ian couldn’t help but return it. Mickey looked around them for a second, making sure nobody was too close by.

 

”Can I kiss you?” Mickey looked so little that Ian had to keep himself from chucking.

 

His intention hadn’t been to get involved with Mickey this fast, or ever. But now Mickey was standing a bit away from Ian, sweetly asking if he could give him a kiss. There was no chance in hell Ian would ever be able to say no to that.

 

”Please” Ian sighed and Mickey grinned, taking the few steps forwards and tilting his head upwards, almost having to get up on his tiptoes to press his smile against Ian’s.

 

Ian softly placed a hand on Mickey’s hip and pressed back against Mickey’s lip, returning the kiss.

 

Both of them were immediately taken back to that night on the Gallagher porch oh so long ago when they had both felt like they could finally breath freely. Like this was where they were supposed to be all along.

 

It was a sweet and chaste kiss, no open mouths, no tongue, no pulling apart and going in for more.

 

It was just Ian and Mickey, pressing their lips together, and it was perfect.

 

Ian pulled away, leaning their foreheads together for a couple of seconds before pulling away from Mickey completely, not wanting anybody to catch them just yet.

 

Ian wasn’t ashamed, and believe it or not, he didn’t really feel guilty either. It was just that he had just figured out what he wanted himself, so someone seeing them kiss and then asking a million questions about it would really tap him out of energy quick.

 

”Fuck” Mickey smiled, thumbing his bottom lip.

 

Ian had since long discovered that it was a sign of nervousness on his part. Ian opened his mouth, starting to say something, but Fiona appeared in the room, interrupting their moment.

 

”Ian, something happened with Carl, we gotta go”

 

”I - ”

 

”Now. Hey, Mickey”

 

Mickey nodded at her and Ian sent him a smile before following his sister.

 

 

As soon as they got into the car, Ian got his phone out and quickly shot a text to Dean.

 

 **Ian:** _Leaving now, didn’t get the chance to say bye, Carl did something. Talk tomorrow?  
_

 

 **Dean:** _Yeah, man_

 

 **Dean:** _Talked to Mickey?_

 

 **Ian:** _Yeah. Lots to tell_

 

 **Ian:** _Tomorrow though_

 

 **Ian:** _Kinda trying to get everything through my own thick head right now_

 

 **Dean:** _Alright_

 

 **Dean:** _See ya_

 

 **Ian:** _See ya_

 

Ian pocketed the phone and tried to push the smile off of his face, failing with that task pretty hard.

 

”Carl came with us to the party, didn’t he?” Debbie asked Fiona.

 

”Yeah, he ran out of there pretty fast. He’s at the police station”

 

”What for?” Ian asked.

 

”They didn’t tell me. I guess we’ll find out” Fiona sighed, obviously tired of the whole Carl fiasco.

 

They all loved him, and sometimes, he was a bright kid. Rambunctious as fuck, though.

 

They got to the police station, and Lip and Fiona talked to a bunch of people.

 

Ian wasn’t really listening, all he could do was re live that kiss.

 

_That moment._

 

It had been so fucking perfect and all Ian wanted to do was kiss him again, as soon as possible. He didn’t stop thinking about it when they got into the car and drove home with Carl, and he didn’t stop thinking about it when they walked inside the house. Ian didn’t stop thinking about that damn kiss while they were eating, and he didn’t stop thinking about it afterwards when they were washing up.

 

Basically his head was filled with thoughts of Mickey, and he couldn’t get it to stop.

 

Although, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

 

Later, when the younger kids were getting ready to go to bed, Ian stood up from the couch and grabbed his jacket.

 

”Fi, I’m gonna head out for a bit, okay?” Fiona nodded.

 

”Bring your phone”

 

”I will. See you”

 

 

Ian parked outside of the Milkovich house and sat there for a couple of seconds, just breathing.

 

Then he got out and walked up to the door, using the heavy lion door knocker to knock. It took a couple of minutes, but then the door swung open, revealing Mickey.

 

”Hey, man” He said, a small smile on his face. Ian couldn’t help but mirror it.

 

”Iggy here?” Ian asked, and Mickey’s face visibly fell, making Ian feel like an asshole.

 

”No, he’s out, maybe if you come back - ”

 

Ian cut him off by taking a step forwards and placing his hands on the sides of Mickey’s neck, tilting his head up and pressing their lips together, just as sweetly as before, but this time their mouths were slightly more open.

 

”Good” Ian breathed when they pulled apart and Mickey grinned. ”Because I really wanted to do that again”

 

”Yeah” Mickey said, Ian’s hands dropping.

 

The door closed behind them and they walked into the living room.

 

The open fire was burning and suddenly, Ian felt more at home that he ever had in the past. They didn’t say anything to each other, but it wasn’t awkward. It was more… comfortable than anything else. But not in a boring way like with Iggy, but in a nice way.

 

Mickey poured two glasses of bourbon, handing one to Ian as they sat down on the couch, turned so that they were slightly facing each other.

 

Ian couldn’t help but admire the shadows the fire was casting over Mickey’s face.

 

They sat there, just looking each other in the eye. Mickey had a small, soft smile tugging at the ends of his mouth. Ian took a sip of the alcohol, and then put the glass down on the coffee table. Because of that, Mickey did the same and then they were back to looking at each other.

 

Ian scooted closer and put his hand beneath Mickey’s chin, tilting it upwards slightly.

 

”Mick” He whispered, and once again they were back on that porch a year ago, wanting each other so badly. Only this time, it was actually the right timing. Ian moved his hand to rest against Mickey’s cheek as they kept eye contact, and Mickey leaned into it.

 

This moment was so perfect, like it was just the two of them in the entire world and they wanted to remember it, treasure it.

 

They inched closer and leaned their foreheads together.

 

Finally, Ian closer the space between them and captured Mickey’s lips in between his own. Mickey sighed in content, moving his lips against Ian’s, placing one of his hands on the back of his neck, and the other one on his knee.

 

They pulled apart to breathe, but it didn’t last long because soon Mickey went in for more, deepening the kiss, making sure it was searing and passionate, unlike any of the sweet kisses they had shared in the past.

 

”Mick?” Ian whispered against Mickey’s lips, stopping the kiss.

 

”Mhm?”

 

”Bedroom?” Mickey blinked up at him.

 

”You want to?” Ian nodded.

 

”Fuck yes”

 

They both grinned, standing up and stumbling towards the stairs, still in a heated makeout session.

 

They tripped a few times, but it didn’t stop them.

 

As soon as Mickey’s bedroom door slammed behind them, Ian roughly pressed Mickey up against it and tore his shirt of, grinding against him. ”Fuck” Mickey croaked out, his erection pulsing, wanting out of the tight jeans.

 

”Off” He mumbled into Ian’s mouth, blindly tugging at his shirt.

 

Ian pulled away from the kiss, throwing his t shirt to the side and then crashing their lips together again.

 

A part of them wanted to take this slow, savor every second, but a bigger part had waited for this so fucking long that they just needed to fuck. Fast and hard and rough. Mickey ran a hand down Ian’s abs appreciatively, dipping it into the waistband of his jeans and then undoing them. Ian placed a final kiss to Mickey’s lips, sucking on the bottom one as he pulled away to step out of the jeans, getting rid of the boxers at the same time. Mickey did the same and then they looked each other in the eye again, calming down.

 

Ian took a step forwards and placed a sweet kiss to Mickey’s lips, soon they were completely wrapped up in each other again. Ian pressed Mickey against the wall, grinding their throbbing cocks together.

 

Mickey was making noises that he didn’t know what the fuck they were, but he also didn’t care. Ian moved his mouth from Mickey’s to his his neck, attaching them and sucking, making sure to leave his mark. Mickey wrapped an arm around Ian’s neck to keep him there, clenching his eyes shut in pleasure as they kept rocking against each other.

 

Ian took his lips off of Mickey’s neck and admired the hickey for a second before pressing another kiss to Mickey’s lips. Mickey was about to beg Ian to fuck him already, but before he could, Ian got down on his knees and Mickey’s breath got caught in his throat.

 

Ian looked up at him, somehow managing to look so fucking innocent and cute as he grabbed a hold of Mickey’s dick, gathering the few droplets of precome and then he started to jerk it slowly.

 

Mickey’s head fell back against the wall with a thump, but he couldn’t feel it over the insane pleasure as Ian finally licked a stripe along the underside of his cock, teasing him. Mickey looked down at the exact moment that Ian wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, sucking slightly just to tease him some more.

 

”Please” Mickey breathed. ”Come on, man”

 

Ian obeyed, swallowing Mickey’s dick all at once, bobbing his head at a medium pace. Mickey’s breath hitched as he bit his bottom lip. Ian was fucking good at that, but that wasn’t even the reason why the air in the room was so intense.

 

They had both wanted this for so fucking long, everything was just so much better. Being able to touch each other, kiss each other, it was definitely worth the wait. Ian kept Mickey in his mouth, burying his nose in the dark pubes as he felt Mickey pulse in the back of his throat.

 

He started bobbing his head again and Mickey wrapped his fingers in the red hair, urging him on. Ian stopped moving, roughly grabbing Mickey’s other hand and placed it in his hair, blinking up at him.

 

”Fuck, you sure?” Mickey managed to ask through the immense pleasure coursing through his body.

 

Ian nodded best he could while still having Mickey’s dick in his mouth and Mickey got to work. He got a tighter grip on Ian’s hair and started violently fucking his mouth. He wouldn’t have guessed that Ian liked being manhandled like this, but it was so fucking hot.

 

They both moaned and groaned uncontrollably and Ian’s sounds vibrated down Mickey’s cock, making him become even louder.

 

”Fuck, fuck” Mickey said, pulling Ian off of him.

 

Ian spit out the saliva and precome that was in his mouth and started stroking himself, blinking up at Mickey who was just simply trying to catch his breath.

 

”That’s so fucking hot, get up here” He groaned, pulling Ian up.

 

The redhead obeyed, crashing their lips together. Mickey could taste himself on Ian’s tongue and when they pulled apart, he sucked on his bottom lip, letting it go with a plop.

 

”Stuff?” Ian asked and Mickey weakly nodded his head towards the night stand.

 

Ian walked over and grabbed the lube along with a condom before going back to Mickey and capturing his lips in another deep kiss. Mickey was about to go back in, but Ian dodged it, pressing a kiss to his collar bone before getting back down on his knees.

 

”Fuck” Mickey hiccuped, just at the sight. Ian looked up at him, smirking as he squeezed some lube onto his fingers.

 

”You good?” Ian asked, putting the hand without the lube on it on Mickey’s hip, squeezing reassuringly.

 

”Yeah, man. Get to it”

 

They smiled at each other, and Ian stood up really quickly, stealing another kiss before he got back down.

 

Mickey leaned his head back against the wall and as Ian wrapped his lips around his cock again, he urged Mickey’s legs further apart so that he could place a lubed finger against his rim. Mickey let out a low moan as Ian slid the finger in to his knuckle and started fucking Mickey with it.

 

When Ian fully started blowing Mickey again, one of his hands went to the red hair, tugging on it and the other one went to his mouth, biting his palm like some chick.

 

Ian kept finger banging Mickey put he pulled his mouth off of his dick, looking up at him.

 

”We’re alone. Let me hear you” Mickey made eye contact with him and reluctantly pulled his hand away from his mouth, letting it fall to his side instead. They grinned at each other and Ian got back to work, bobbing his head and hollowing his cheeks, deep throating like a pro. All the while he slowly inserted another finger into Mickey’s tight hole.

 

Mickey bit his lip for a second but then he remembered what Ian had told him, so he just relaxed, not giving a shit what noises were coming out of his mouth. It was a mix of groans, moans and embarrassingly loud hiccups.

 

”Fuck, keep doing that. Oh, fuck yes”

 

Mickey could tell Ian was getting turned on by hearing him. His cheeks hollowed a little bit more and he slid a third finger into Mickey, starting to fucking him a little bit faster.

 

Mickey leaned his head back, just enjoying the feeling for a minute, but then he looked down at Ian and he was ready to come right there.

 

”No, no. Stop, fuck, Ian. I’m gonna blow”

 

Ian pulled his fingers out of Mickey’s ass and pulled his mouth off of his dick, looking up at him smugly. Mickey had no fucking idea how or why, but the fact that Ian’s entire chin was covered in saliva and precome was so fucking hot.

 

Mickey curled Ian’s hair around his fingers and they looked at each other for a second.

 

”Fuck, get up here and kiss me” Mickey finally begged.

 

Ian did so, standing up and their mouths crashed together in a dirty, sloppy, wet kiss, but neither of them cared. Mickey put his hands on the sides of Ian’s neck, deepening the kiss further and biting his bottom lip, pulling apart before going in for more.

 

”Fuck me” Mickey whispered into his mouth. ”Now”

 

Ian smiled, pressing a last kiss to Mickey’s lips before reaching for the condom and tearing it open with his teeth, throwing the wrapper aside and rolling the rubber onto himself.

 

Once he was slicked up, he looked to Mickey again, who was biting his lip in anticipation. It probably wasn’t even something that he was aware he was doing, but it looked so fucking hot. Ian leaned in again, capturing his lips in a searing kiss. Mickey accepted it, wrapping his arms around Ian’s neck and sliding their tongues over each other. Ian securely placed his hands on Mickey’s thighs, urging him to jump up. Mickey hesitated for a second before finally just going for it, jumping and wrapping his legs tightly around Ian’s waist.

 

”You ready?” Ian asked and Mickey could feel the tip of his cock resting against his prepared hole.

 

”Yes. Fuck, yes” Mickey nodded, pressing their lips together once more.

 

Ian thrusted in and bottomed out with one single movement.

 

They both opened their mouths and kept eye contact, almost in shock of how good it felt. How right it felt to be connected this way. Their grip on each other tightened as they got used to the feeling.

 

Mickey felt amazing, the slight pain of being stretched out along with the immense pleasure of finally having Ian inside of was almost too much to handle. Ian leaned his forehead against Mickey’s collarbone, willing himself not to come right then and there because the way Mickey’s body was pulsing around his cock was surreal.

 

Ian finally looked up and they made eye contact for a second before Ian got a firmer grip on Mickey’s thighs and pulled out slowly, thrusting back in hard, making Mickey’s back slam against the wine colored wall.

 

”Yes, fuck” Mickey couldn’t help but yelp. ”Kiss me. Fuck”

 

Ian crashed their mouths together as he kept moving in and out of Mickey at a fast pace. Mickey bit down on Ian’s bottom lip hard, drawing a low moan out of him at the pain. Mickey licked it in an attempt to soothe the pain before going back in to deepen the kiss.

 

On one particular hard jab, Mickey let out a loud shout, and Ian knew that he had managed to find his prostate.

 

Ian smirked into the next kiss and kept stabbing that one spot inside of his lover, almost feeling him crumble in his arms at the pleasure.

 

Mickey was way beyond words at this point, the feeling was too good, too bright to be able to form words.

 

All he could do was focus on that feeling in his stomach, the one that didn’t just come from fucking, but fucking someone who you… that was how far his train of thought made it before everything became black, Mickey shooting his load in between their chests without being touched.

 

Ian kept thrusting into Mickey until he was over the edge as well, burying his face in Mickey’s neck and inhaling his scent as he filled the condom.

 

Once they were both done, they stayed like that. Ian still holding Mickey up, and his softening cock still inside of him.

 

”That was…” Ian finally breathed and Mickey nodded, even though Ian couldn’t see it, what with him still having his face in Mickey’s neck, he could feel it.

 

”Fuck” Mickey agreed.

 

Ian lifted his head, pressing their lips together in a sweet kiss and then he slowly pulled out with a wince, and carefully eased Mickey to stand on his own. Ian got rid of the condom, and then went back to Mickey, capturing his lips in another deep kiss.

 

Mickey placed his hands on Ian’s hips, tugging him closer, and soon they were both hard again.

 

”Think your ass can take another round?” Ian raised an eyebrow and Mickey looked back at him in mock offense.

 

Ian just grinned at him, legitimately waiting for an answer.

 

Mickey wiped the smile off of his face by wrestling him down on the bed, straddling him and pressing their lips back together. Ian put his hands back on his waist steadying him as they explored each others mouths, nibbling and sucking on lips.

 

It didn’t take long before Mickey reached for another condom, preparing Ian.

 

Ian looked up at Mickey as he slowly lowered himself onto Ian’s cock, head tilted back in pleasure.

 

”Fuck, Mick. That’s so fucking hot”

 

Ian bit his lip as he felt Mickey clench around him. Finally, Mickey was completely seated and they looked at each other as they got used to this position.

 

Mickey took one of his hands off of Ian’s chest and placed it over one of Ian’s hands on his hip, lacing their fingers together. Ian couldn’t help but smile at the surprisingly sweet gesture, despite the position they were in.

 

Mickey lifted himself and sank down onto Ian again, drawing a low groan out of Ian. Ian threw his hand back into the pillow as Mickey started moving faster, fucking himself on Ian’s cock. Ian wanted to keep his eyes open and watch, but it was impossible.

 

The pleasure tearing through his body was too intense. Mickey taking control like this was one of the hottest things Ian had ever experienced.

 

”Mick” Ian whined, hating how weak his voice sounded.

 

”Ian” Mickey responded, barely audible, squeezing his hand. Ian took their joined hands off of Mickey’s hip and wrapped them around Mickey’s cock, helping him get closer to the edge.

 

”Mickey. Fuck. I’m gonna…”

 

”Yeah, me too. Holy fuck” Mickey came first, covering both their hands, his chest and Ian’s chest in his come.

 

Seeing Mickey covered in come was enough to throw Ian over the edge as well, filling the condom. Mickey stayed seated for a second as they caught their breath. Then he slowly got off and collapsed next to Ian, completely fucked out.

 

Ian got rid of the condom and then turned to Mickey, leaning his head on his shoulder.

 

”That was fucking hot” Mickey smiled at him, pressing their lips together.

 

Ian got on top of him, pressing a gentle hand to his cheek and deepening the kiss.

 

Mickey wrapped his arm around Ian’s back, placing his hand on his shoulder blade as they kept the makeout session going.

 

Mickey lifted himself slightly to slot their dicks together and because Ian felt himself starting to get hard again, he pulled away from the kiss.

 

”Again? Really”

 

”Mhm” Mickey smirked, raising his hips again, and this time Ian met him, making their dicks slide against each other.

 

”You sure your ass can take another round?” Ian asked, this time not to tease Mickey, but because he was actually wondering.

 

Mickey looked up at him, for a second wondering if what he was about to say would be considered weird, or weak.

 

Or like he was asking Ian to do something girly to him, like make love or some shit.

 

”Just go slow, okay?” Mickey said finally, not giving a shit.

 

He could always blame it on his sore ass, but the truth was that he just really wanted to do that. Go slow, savor it. If that made him a girl, then fuck it.

 

Ian seemed to understand without Mickey really having to explain anything out loud.

 

He pecked Mickey’s lips and then reached for another condom, rolling it onto himself.

 

When he was prepared, he looked down at Mickey, making eye contact and for a second, they just looked at each other with those big stupid smiles. Ian leaned down, capturing Mickey’s lips in another kiss and then hoisting his legs up a little bit, urging Mickey to wrap them around his waist.

 

Mickey deepened the kiss just as Ian slowly thrusted in, still enjoying feeling every single inch of Mickey.

 

Ian pulled out and thrusted back in, keeping the same slow, torturous pace. They pulled apart and Ian buried his face in Mickey’s neck again, pressing sweet kisses to his collar bone.

 

Mickey bit his lip, digging his fingers into Ian’s back as he found his prostate.

 

Neither of them said anything this round, they just moved together, almost feeling like one. Mickey could feel Ian’s breath quicken and for some reason, he knew that that was a sign of him getting close. He pried his face out of his neck and pressed their lips together again in a chaste kiss, much like the one they had shared earlier that day.

 

”Mick” Ian breathed into his mouth, and then they were both coming simultaneously, their foreheads pressed together, arms tightly holding onto each other.

 

When they were done, Ian pulled out and got rid of the condom before collapsing back onto Mickey’s chest, not having the energy to care about the fact that he was laying in come.

 

They were both too fucked out. Ian felt Mickey press a kiss to the top of his head and smiled at that, looking up.

 

They made eye contact for a second, and then they pressed their lips together.

 

Ian lifted his body off of Mickey and instead laid next to him.

 

Mickey crawled closer, curling up by his side. Ian had never taken him for a cuddler, but he immediately accepted it, wrapping an arm around him.

 

”I love you. You should know that” Mickey whispered quietly.

 

Ian wrapped his arms tighter around Mickey’s body and pressed a kiss to his temple.

 

”I know, baby” He simply said, not having the energy to figure out what he meant with the nickname, or what they were now.

 

No, tonight they fell asleep, tightly holding onto one another.

 

They could figure the rest out tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up so late writing this so you guys better fucking appreciate it! (Just kidding, I love you) 
> 
>  
> 
> Seriously, though. I'm exhausted.


	5. Lanterns For A Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”I guess I brought you up here because I just wanted you to know that… I’m not… not… happy for you”

Mickey’s eyes slowly blinked open, as he struggled to get used to the bright light of the morning sun. The memories of last night came back in flashes, and it made him smile lazily.

 

Ian thrusting inside of him.

 

Ian kissing his neck, and his lips.

 

Ian running his hands all over Mickey’s body.

 

Ian just holding him as they fell asleep together.

 

_Ian._

 

Mickey woke up a little bit more and realized that he was alone in the bed, and in the room.

 

”Ian?” He called, morning voice rough.

 

What if Ian had regretted it as soon as he woke up? What if Ian just needed to fuck Mickey to get him out of his system? What if the thing that Mickey had said last night had freaked him out?

 

What if this ended up just being a huge mistake that Ian just wanted to put behind him?

 

It was very possible. What if -

 

”Hey”

 

Mickey rolled onto his back, steadying himself on his elbows as he spotted Ian.

 

He was standing in the doorway, dressed in a pair of Mickey’s clean boxers, carrying two coffee cups. Neither of them said anything for a beat after that. They just looked at each other with small, tired smiles on their faces.

 

Ian walked inside of the room and closed the door with his foot, before putting the mugs down onto the nightstand.

 

”Come here” Mickey said, and Ian grinned, getting onto the bed, straddling his torso.

 

Mickey placed his hands onto Ian’s waist, and then they were back to just looking at each other. Admiring every little detail of each others faces. They had done that a lot last night, too. It was as if they had spent so long trying not to look at each other, so now that they could, they wanted to drink in as much as they could.

 

Mickey bit the inside of his bottom lip in thought. It seemed ridiculous, but he still had to ask.

 

”Ian?”

 

”Hm?” Ian asked, placing a hand onto Mickey’s chest and moving it upwards slowly until he was softly holding Mickey’s face.

 

”You don’t regret anything, right?”

 

Ian frowned, and shook his head.

 

”Fuck no. Don’t ever worry about that”

 

Mickey smiled and turned into Ian’s hand, softly kissing his palm, still looking up at Ian.

 

It felt oddly domestic, soft, but Mickey didn’t mind. It was perfect.

 

Ian soon pulled the hand away from Mickey’s cheek and placed it by his collar bone instead, as he lowered himself, pressing his lips to Mickey’s. Mickey hummed in appreciation, wrapping his arms around him, placing one on the back of Ian’s neck and the other one on his lower back.

 

Ian deepened the kiss, licking his way into Mickey’s mouth.

 

They made out for a while, soaking in every second of being able to taste each other. Mickey sucked on his bottom lip as they pulled apart, letting it go with a plop. They made eye contact, huge grins on their faces.

 

Ian leaned down, nuzzling into the crook of Mickey’s neck softly, making Mickey chuckle at the tickling sensation.

 

”The fuck are you doing, man?”

 

Ian laughed into Mickey’s skin, pressing a kiss to his neck before raising his head and leaning their foreheads together.

 

”I’m happy” Ian whispered quietly, nibbling on Mickey’s bottom lip.

 

”Yeah?” Mickey couldn’t help but grin. Ian mirrored it, nodding, looking deep into Mickey’s eyes.

 

”Me too” Mickey whispered, and flipped them over so that he was straddling Ian.

 

”Hey” Ian started to object to Mickey taking control, but Mickey quickly shut him up, covering his lips with his own.

 

Ian wrapped his arms around Mickey tightly, almost as if he was scared that if he let go, Mickey would disappear.

 

Mickey deepened the kiss, cradling Ian’s face with both of his hands as they explored each others mouths.

 

Ian was pretty sure that kissing Mickey was something he could spend the rest of his life doing, no problem. Mickey broke the kiss, moving his lips to Ian’s jaw, first pressing a simple kiss, then parting his lips, starting to suck lightly.

 

The feeling dragged a loud moan out of Ian, and he loosened his arms around Mickey so that he could move his hands down to kneed his bare ass. When Mickey first felt it, his breath hitched and he forgot to keep marking Ian up, but he quickly got back into it.

 

Mickey moved his lips back to Ian’s, capturing them in a deep kiss. Ian applied more pressure to Mickey’s ass, massaging it and pushing their lower bodies together at the same time. ”Ugh, fuck. Keep fucking doing that” Mickey whispered before deepening the kiss further.

 

Ian forced himself to keep the makeout session going, because he really wanted to grin at the way Mickey was reacting to his touch. He kept kneading Mickey’s ass, pushing him down onto his dick, making them both groan in pleasure.

 

”Fuck. Off” Mickey demanded, sliding his hands down Ian’s body and tugging at the waistband of the boxers.

 

Ian placed a last kiss to Mickey’s mouth before flipping them over again, and throwing his boxers to the side. He straightened his back as he straddled Mickey, looking down at him smugly.

 

”Fuck” Mickey cursed at the sight.

 

Ian ran a hand over Mickey’s chest, up to his neck, and finally to his cheek. Ian kept his hand there, just admiring Mickey’s flushed face, and how amazing he looked. His entire body was littered with small purple marks from the night before. His morning hair was messy as fuck, but it looked so fluffy and soft.

 

Mickey’s lips were swollen to almost twice their size from all of the kissing, they were also pink, almost red.

 

They looked so fucking welcoming.

 

”What?” Mickey asked suddenly, making Ian realize he had been staring for way longer than necessary. Ian shook himself out of it, and laid down on top of Mickey, pressing their lips together again.

 

”Fuck, you’re beautiful” He whispered when they pulled apart.

 

Mickey’s neck and cheeks got slightly flushed, but he tried to cover it up with a;

 

”The fuck?”

 

”You are” Ian argued with a smile.

 

Mickey rolled his eyes, but a smile was quickly making it’s way onto his lips as well.

 

Ian captured his lips in another searing kiss, but before Mickey could get too into it, he pulled away. He pressed his lips to the corner of Mickey’s mouth, and then his cheek, and jawline. Every single kiss got more serious, more sucking.

 

By the time Ian had made it down to Mickey’s hipbone, he was making a full on hickey, and Mickey was moaning even louder than he had been last night.

 

”You like that, Mick?” Ian whispered, looking up at him.

 

”Yes, fuck” Mickey breathed between groans, eyes clenched shut in pleasure. ”Keep doing that”

 

Ian obeyed, and soon he was mouthing at the base of Mickey’s cock, teasing him.

 

When he was happy with the hickey, he pulled away, looking up at Mickey again, raising an eyebrow.

 

”Please” Mickey said thickly, looking down at him.

 

For some reason, the word didn’t sound like he was begging Ian to do anything. Despite the meaning of the word, the tone in his voice suggested that he was telling Ian, demanding. It turned Ian on to no end.

 

Mickey spread his legs apart as far as they would go, inviting Ian and raising an eyebrow. Ian let out a chuckle to himself.

 

”What?” Mickey asked, slowly starting to close his legs again. ”No, no, no” Ian assured him, pushing them apart again.

 

”Hand me that pillow” Ian nodded to the one he had been sleeping on. Mickey did so. ”Lift your hips” Ian said, and Mickey obeyed, giving Ian an easier time pushing the pillow in under Mickey’s lower back. ”You good with this?”

 

Ian looked up at Mickey, who was looking a little less cocky than a minute ago. Ian just wanted to make sure, because some guys hated getting rimmed. Mickey nodded, though, and Ian smiled at him for a second before shuffling up the bed just so that he could steal another kiss.

 

Mickey rolled his eyes, but grinned at that. Ian moved down the bed again, and grabbed Mickey’s legs, putting them over his shoulders.

 

He starts by teasingly flicking his tongue over the muscle, making Mickey’s breath hitch in anticipation.

 

Mickey leaned his head back into the pillow as Ian licked a stripe across his hole, the tip of his tongue catching the rim, and then continuing, stopping at his balls. Ian did it again, and Mickey was forced to clench his eyes shut to keep from screaming out.

 

Ian hummed as he closed his lips around the rim, sucking slightly.

 

The vibrations sent jolts of pleasure throughout Mickey’s entire body, and he grabbed a hold of the sheets next to them.

 

”Feel good?” Ian whispered, face still buried in Mickey’s ass.

 

”Yes, fuck” Mickey choked, and Ian went in for more.

 

This time, using both his tongue and his lips, trying to make it as searing as possible.

 

Ian blindly reached a hand up to grab a hold of Mickey’s cock, jerking it slowly as he kept eating his ass, driving him absolutely crazy.

 

”Oh, fuck” Mickey says breathlessly when Ian uses his other hand to work a finger into him.

 

He’s still kind of worked open from last night, yet the feeling of Ian finger fucking him without lube stings a little bit, just the way he likes it.

 

Ian quickly adds another one, just because he can, and then he makes sure to go back to using his tongue around them, making Mickey moan out loud.

 

”Fuck, fuck, no. Stop” Mickey suddenly says loudly, and Ian pulls away from him completely, frowning.

 

”What’s wrong?” Mickey just looks down at him, and Ian relaxes when he notices a grin making it’s way onto his flushed face.

 

”Way too close, man. You gonna fuck me or not?”

 

Ian returns the grin, biting the inside of Mickey’s thigh teasingly before crawling further up the bed, laying on top of Mickey again.

 

”Hi” Ian says, the grin still stuck on his lips.

 

”Jesus fucking christ, you’re a dork” Mickey complains, but the smile on his face tells Ian that maybe he doesn’t mind it too much.

 

”Your dork” Ian says before he can stop himself. The smiles falls off of their faces, but the eye contact remains as they both try to figure out what the other one is thinking.

 

”Are you?” Mickey asks seriously.

 

Ian lowers his head, leaning their foreheads together before nodding.

 

”Yes” He says simply.

 

There’s probably a lot of shit he could add to that, try to explain stuff, make it more of a question than a statement, but he doesn’t feel like he needs to. Ian is Mickey’s, and Mickey is Ian’s. It had been that way ever since that night on the porch, Ian was just too dumb to see it.

 

”Okay” Mickey says softly, and the grins return to their faces. Ian leans down and captures Mickey’s lips in a soft kiss, however, it quickly turns more heated as Mickey lifts his hips to grind their leaking cocks together.

 

Mickey placed a hand on the back of Ian’s neck, deepening the kiss further.

 

”Get in me”

 

”Bossy” Ian smirked against Mickey’s lips, but then pulled away and sat up, reaching for the lube and a condom.

 

As Ian prepares himself, Mickey’s just laying there, looking up at him.

 

A part of him thinks that this is too good to be true. Ian Gallagher would never settle for him. Only, he has. He’s here. It’s real, it _is_ true.

 

No matter how much Mickey tries to wrap his head around it, it’s probably gonna take a while.

 

”You ready?” Ian asks, laying down on top of Mickey again, letting the tip of his dick rub against Mickey’s hole.

 

”Yeah, man” Mickey says, and their lips crash together just as Ian thrusts in.

 

After the all but fuck-a-thon they had last night, and the rimming just a couple of minutes ago, it goes smoothly despite the fact that Mickey’s not prepared with lube. Almost without any stinging what so ever.

 

Mickey sighs softly in pleasure into Ian’s mouth as he moves out, and then enters Mickey again.

 

Ian pulls away from the kiss, and instead places his head in the crook of Mickey’s neck, breathing in the scent.

 

Mickey lets out a quiet groan as Ian hits his prostate, Ian notices, and starts to kiss Mickey’s neck, making another hickey appear.

 

The only sounds that fill the room are their soft moans, neither of them say anything.

 

It’s just them, rocking against each other early in the morning, and it’s perfect.

 

 

”You got your books?” Mickey asks, following Ian down the stairs as he’s putting his shirt on.

 

”Yeah” Ian answers.

 

”Keys?” Ian checks his pockets, and find them.

 

”Yep”

 

”Kiss?”

 

”What?” Mickey tugs on Ian’s left arm, spinning him around and crashing their lips together. It quickly turns soft, both of them smiling as they pull apart. ”Hey, Mick - ”

 

”No, don’t fucking say it” Mickey interrupts, and Ian tilts his head, placing his hands onto Mickey’s hips.

 

”You don’t even know what I was gonna say” Ian points out.

 

”No” Mickey agrees. ”But I’d think it would start with ’ _What are we_ ’ and it would end with ’ _going to tell Iggy_ ’”

 

”I just think he deserves to know” Ian says softly, slipping his fingers under Mickey’s t shirt, and moving them in small circles.

 

”I know” Mickey sighs, inching his face closer to Ian’s. ”I just don’t know when we should tell him”

 

”He knows something’s going on with you and me. It’s the reason we broke up” Ian says, and Mickey nods.

 

”We’ll tell him. Tomorrow?” Ian raises an eyebrow. ”I just think we should have a day to ourselves. Don’t you? We’ve never been right before, Ian, okay? But we are now” Mickey explains and a smile starts to make it’s way onto Ian’s face. ”One day? One fucking day? We can take that” Ian chuckles, nodding.

 

”Okay, we can take a day” Ian agrees and leans down for a kiss, savoring the taste before they pull apart. ”I’m gonna be late” Mickey nods.

 

”See you later?”

 

”Of course” Ian says, capturing Mickey’s lips in one final kiss before mustering up all of his strength and exiting the house, smile still plastered on his face.

 

 

Mickey watches the door close behind Ian, and then he turns around, walking into the living room.

 

The smile stays on his face as he pours a glass of bourbon, and brings it to his lips. He can’t remember ever being this happy, it’s strange.

 

As pathetic and as cheesy as it sounds, it feels like he can breathe again, see clearly.

 

He knows he should feel terrible for a lot of things. Mandy. All the shit he has done to his other siblings over the years.

 

And he did, he felt terrible for a lot of years. Yet, now, he feels lighter.

 

Like all the things that he felt were weighing him down… maybe they’re not such a big deal.

 

The slight pain in his ass reminds him of the night he had just had.

 

He touches his lips like fucking school girl who had just had her first kiss. He didn’t care, though.

 

He was just so fucking happy.

 

”Mick?” Mickey snapped his head towards the voice, and put his drink down, exiting the living room.

 

”Hey, Igg. What’s up?” Mickey asked, feeling his shoulders become a little bit tense. He shouldn’t feel guilty about this. Or maybe he should. Fuck if Mickey knew.

 

”No insult?” Iggy asked, completely serious. All Mickey could do was shrug, raising his eyebrows.

 

”Anyway, was that Ian’s car I just met?”

 

”Uh, yeah. He came over” Mickey said, as casually as he could manage.

 

He was incredibly thankful Ian had convinced him to take a shower together, otherwise Iggy would smell sex from a mile away.

 

Iggy nodded, and Mickey couldn’t quite interpret the look on his face for some reason.

 

”There’s something I wanna do. You wanna come?” Iggy asked then, and Mickey ended up agreeing.

 

Maybe some quality time with his brother would make him stop thinking about Ian. Although, it wasn’t very likely.

 

 

”Yo” Dean said, joining Ian by his locker.

 

”Hey” Ian said, voice horse from all the screaming that went on last night.

 

”Where were you last night? I called you like two times. I need deets!”

 

” _Deets_?” Ian teased. ”You sure you’re straight?”

 

”I like pussy, but you’re rubbing off on me. And not in a good way”

 

Ian snorted, happy that they could joke around like this. Ian would never wanna fuck Dean, and Dean would never wanna fuck Ian, and the fact that they both knew that was what made them so comfortable around each other.

 

”I had my phone off, sorry” Dean raised his eyebrows, urging Ian to go on. ”I... went to see Mickey. We hooked up”

 

Dean’s face splits into a grin and he punches Ian’s arm.

 

”Ow” Ian pouts, and Dean rolls his eyes at that.

 

”That’s fucking great! So you’re together now?” Ian shrugged at first, but them he nodded.

 

”Yeah. Yeah, we are” He couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

 

They were together. He and Mickey. It was all he could ever want.

 

 

”Why did you bring me here?” Mickey asked, stepping out of Iggy’s car and looking out over the bright, foggy cemetery.

 

Iggy shrugged and turned to his brother.

 

”I know you come here a lot. I guess I just wanted to… see her. But I didn’t wanna do it without you, didn’t feel right”

 

Mickey nodded, looking into his brothers eyes.

 

Although the two of them would never really get along, the past year had been better. Mickey had given up on bothering him every second of every day, and it seemed to do a lot.

 

”She’s over here” Mickey sighed, starting to walk across the grass, further into the woods.

 

Iggy talked to the rock a little bit, but Mickey didn’t. It didn’t feel right to speak to her when someone else could hear, even if it was just their brother.

 

The pain in his chest was still there every time he laid eyes on the raised gray rectangle, and he didn’t know if it would ever go away.

 

And truth be told, he also didn’t know if he still wanted it to.

 

 

A few minutes later, the brothers exited the woods, slowly walking through the early morning fog to get back to the car.

 

”You had sex, didn’t you?” Iggy stopped, and turned to Mickey.

 

Mickey stopped as well, raising his eyebrows, wondering how the fuck to handle this.

 

”Last night. That’s why he was at the house this morning, isn't it?” Mickey took a deep breath to say something, he didn’t know what, but Iggy cut him off. ”It’s okay” He said, then chuckled to himself. ”I mean… it’s not really. It hurts, we were together for a year, of course it’s not fucking fun. But, um…” Iggy sighed, looking down at his shoes. ”I guess I brought you up here because I just wanted you to know that… I’m not… not… happy for you”

 

Iggy frowned and looked up at his brother. Mickey nodded.

 

”Thanks, bro”

 

 

”Mickey?” Ian called as he entered the Milkovich house.

 

He didn’t get an answer, so he closed the door behind him and walked further into the house.

 

”Mick?” Ian found him, standing in the living room in front of the fire with a glass of bourbon in his hand, frowning. ”Mick?” Ian said again, softer as he walked closer. ”

 

Iggy knows” Mickey said, not looking at Ian.

 

”Oh” Ian nodded, feeling like he should care more than he did. ”How?” Mickey shrugged.

 

”Saw your car this morning, he figured it the fuck out somehow, I don’t know”

 

”How did he take it?” Ian asked then, closing the distance between them, wrapping his arms tightly around Mickey from behind and leaning his head on his shoulder. Mickey’s entire body seemed to relax at the gesture.

 

”He’s fine. Left to visit Colin for a couple of days. I just think he needed some time away, he’ll be back” Mickey explained, and Ian hummed. ”He also told me to tell you that he’s not pissed, at you or me”

 

”Really?” Ian whispered.

 

”Yeah”

 

They were quiet for a while, just standing there in front of the fire in the dim lighting. Ian had to admit, it was perfect. Maybe it was even the perfect time for;

 

”I love you” Ian whispered, lips pressed against the base of Mickey’s neck.

 

Mickey pried Ian’s arms off of him and turned around, putting the drink down.

 

”Really?”

 

”Mhm” Ian smiled, cradling Mickey’s face with his large hands and leaning their foreheads together. ”I love you” He whispered again, looking into Mickey’s eyes. ”So much”

 

”I love you too” Mickey sighed before crashing their lips together in the most perfect kiss yet.

 

 

**Five years later**

 

 

Mickey mentally counted the stars as he waited.

 

Maybe he should be nervous about this, scared. Possibly even terrified, but he wasn’t.

 

The one feeling he could feel run through his entire body could be explained with one word.

 

Calm.

 

He felt calm.

 

Mickey was ready for this.

 

He had led a long, happy life, and now he was ready to move on from what used to be, to the future. What used to define who he was and what he did. Mickey was ready to take his life to the next level, and he knew exactly how he would do that.

 

”What happens if a car comes?” Mickey struggled not to chuckle.

 

”We die” He got up, so that he was standing in the middle of the dark road, facing Ian, where he was walking towards Mickey.

 

”Why did you ask me to meet you out here?” Ian asked once he was close enough to Mickey that he didn’t have to yell.

 

”This is where we met for the first time. Nine years ago. Remember?” Ian nodded, smiling.

 

”Mysterious stranger who has all the answers?” Ian asked, and they both chuckled. ”That didn’t answer my question” Ian said, voice soft.

 

He knew what was coming, but it didn’t matter. It still felt amazing when Mickey went down on one knee and pulled the box out of his pocket, popping it open.

 

”Ian Gall - ”

 

”Yes”

 

”I’m trying to be fucking romantic here, Gallagher. Just… okay?”

 

Ian held his hands up in surrender.

 

”Sorry, continue”

 

”Ian Gallagher. Will you - ”

 

”Yes!”

 

”Oh for the love of god”

 

Mickey rolled his eyes, giving up. He stood up, grinning. Ian mirrored it and threw his arms around Mickey’s neck, pressing their lips together.

 

Mickey slid his tongue over Ian’s, enjoying every second of being this close to him, even after five fucking years together.

 

”Sorry. I just… I love you so fucking much” Ian said once they had pulled apart. Mickey chuckled.

 

”I love you too. So yes? You’ll marry me?”

 

”Yes” Ian said again, and they both laughed into the deep kiss, but soon Ian pulled away with a groan ”As much as I don’t wanna stop this moment, we gotta head to Iggy and Carl’s, they’re having that dinner, remember? We’re gonna be late”

 

Mickey nodded, and they let go of each other, but braided their fingers together as they started walking towards the car, happier than ever.

 

 

”Hey” Mickey said, sitting down. ”I’m sorry I don’t visit as much as I should, we’ve all been kind of busy, I guess. The wedding, and shit. I’m getting married, Mands. Fucking married, can you believe that?”

 

Mickey chuckled to himself.

 

”I’m really happy, but… I wish that you could be there. Maybe you will be. I don’t believe in that shit, but who am I to say that you’re not still here, right?”

 

Mickey wiped a tear away from his face.

 

”I wish that you could meet Ian, too. You’d like him. I remember how pissed I was when he and Iggy first went out back when they were in high school. I was so convinced I’d never get to have him. Now I do” Mickey said, and he knew exactly what Mandy would say if she was here.

 

_"You got the guy, bro"_

 

”I got the guy” Mickey said to himself before clearing his throat. ”I don’t wanna jinx it, but my life is pretty much perfect right now. The only thing that’s missing is my baby sister. So because of that…”

 

Mickey stood up, and took the lantern out of the box and lighting it.

 

”This one’s for you, Mandy”

 

Mickey leaned his head back, watching the lantern float up into the sky. Maybe that’s where she was, looking over all of them.

 

 

Little did he know, that’s exactly what she was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my fuck, it's finished! I don't even know what to say.


End file.
